Your Marriage is Your First Ministry

hi we’re in a Jennifer Smith with marriage after God helping you call today an extraordinary marriage and today we’re going to discuss how your marriage is your first ministry hey thanks for joining us for this week’s episode we just want to invite you as usual to subscribe to our channel so that you can notify to every time we upload a new episode also we just wanted to encourage you to keep leaving those comments we get so encouraged by just reading through your guys’s comments and the feedback that you’ve been given us and the personal stories that you’ve shared with us so just thank you so much for that and keep doing it so one of the reasons we started the marriage after got podcast is because we had this wild idea to write a book called marriage after God and we’ve been working really hard on the manuscript and we’re so excited about it and so we just wanted to share that with you guys but also every once in a while there’s just this really strong topic that we need to share with you through the podcast based off the content of the book and one of the chapters is about marriage being your first ministry and so that’s why we chose this topic for today’s episode so whether you realize it or not you are in a ministry and I’m not talking about your being a pastor or worship leader or missionary which we were for a little bit we’re saying that you currently as a husband and wife are in ministry in your marriage that the first place that you practice the things that the Bible teaches us um as we always say you know your first neighbor right who’s your closest neighbor it’s your spouse and so when the Bible tells us to love your neighbor as yourself this is what we’re talking about that if you don’t focus and and treat your marriage as a ministry the way we should and we let it fall apart and we don’t and we don’t give it the attention it deserves then it doesn’t matter what other ministry we might want to do outside the home you know if you’re we see in the headlines you know what are the headlines said like you know pastor leaves his wife you know missionary couple breakup like there’s just these these stories we hear them and what happens is they forgot what their first ministry was not just that but it actually affects them sure that they’re trying to do yeah and and what you know what my heart for this is what good is it if we’re blessing and serving others outside of our home and then our wife our husband and our children gets seconds thirds fourths of our of our ministry you know the outside world and people out there are getting all of the love all the attention all of the this this our strength and our service and our ministry and at home our spouse and our children are falling apart and they’re not being loved and they’re not being served and they’re not being taken care of the way the Bible tells us to to take care of them that to me is called hypocrisy and I don’t it doesn’t matter how good it is out there if you’re your first ministry is being neglected you’re a hypocrite and this was us yeah when we realized this I mean it was it it was a shock to us because we had been pursuing God and the the extraordinary work that he had for us we were missionaries we were traveling in Africa and you went to Brazil and then we were in great pain and at the forefront yeah we were pursuing all of these things for God but behind the scenes like our marriage oh it was crumbling and so I guess the question is like what gospel are you actually reflecting if that’s the case yeah and so if you’re in a place in your marriage and you’re both believers okay I’m gonna talk to mixed couples in a second that are you know believe around believer but if you’re in a marriage and you’re both believers and your marriage is not in a good place that is when right now you need to recognize like men and why are we seeing our marriage as our first ministry as a wife do I see my role as a wife as a ministry to my husband that’s good you know as a husband do I see my role as a husband as a ministry to my wife and so it actually elevates your marriage to another level of realizing like wait I’m not just a husband I don’t just go to work I don’t just pay the bills I don’t just do the things that you know have to be done for everyday normal life to exist but actually recognize like actually my wife she has a spirit that I’m supposed to be ministering to she’s got a spirit that I’m supposed to be like washing with the word and what’s the point of that like what’s that when you say my wife is my ministry like what what’s your goal well my goal is to do what it tells me to Ephesians 5 is to wash you by the water with the word so that you become you know clean and new and refreshed and cherished and you’re filled with the Word of God and you are you actually become more useful for ministry outside the home because of it yeah right so I find if you go to do ministry and you don’t know where you are with me mmm does that make you feel more or less confident less confident but if you just know like oh my husband loves me he is there for me he cherished and he’s behind me he serves me I’m not concerned about where we’re at you’re more confident and more prepared yeah right and vice versa what happens when you see your role to me as a ministry my perspective obviously has changed from a selfish one to a purpose filled one and I I actually can see beyond even my purpose ministry to you and the impact you then will have in other people’s lives yeah because when we have a marriage after God and we both see our marriage as a ministry and we’re and we’re serving each other and loving each other’s the Bible teaches us to and we’re walking in begins to the word right who’s gonna benefit from that our children yeah our family members our family members everybody our co-workers neighbors yeah because let’s say we didn’t even say a word but they saw our marriage and they saw how cherished you know my wife was and how loved and honored the husband was and especially in contrast to our culture today right which doesn’t do that which doesn’t do that yeah it does it actually teaches the opposite it encourage the opposite celebrates the opposite selfishness and adultery and and then they see a marriage that’s you know won’t talk the husband won’t talk bad about his wife in front of someone or a wife who protects her husband’s name in front of people the next day or submits to him god forbid but like that’s what the Bible teaches those are the things that we do you know if I loved my wife that as Christ loves the church right laying hid myself down for her I lay my hobby’s down for her you know afraid of mice me to go do something no actually like I already told my wife I’m going to spend time with her today and the kids keep your word and I keep my word and they’re like okay and but that’s that’s ministry that’s happening now outside the home simply because I’ve seen my marriage as a ministry and I think when people when people are confronted with that difference that stark contrast compared to the world they question it right and what’s the answer was the only reason you can give them for why your marriage is that way yeah we say you know what we submit to the Word of God we love God and because he saved us you know we’re gonna walk though he’s asked us to walk so therefore your point you’re actually pointing other people’s hearts to the Lord based off what they see in your marriage and so we you know as we grow in our marriage and as we focus on walking the way the Bible tells us to walk within our marriage we bear fruit mm-hmm good fruit and what’s the fruit for on the tree is it for the trees sake it’s for everybody else to say that’s gonna eat of it yeah they pluck from the tree and they eat the fruit and they’re like man this fruits good they’re nourished by it yeah how do I get more of this yeah and then the other good thing about the fruit is it plants eats and so that you know Paul mentions a couple of times in the Bible he says he says follow my example and so you know a pastor told me a long time ago he said Aaron can you honestly tell someone in your life to follow your example sorry question it’s a really hard question so you know you have to ask yourself the question yeah dude you know can I ask someone to follow my example as a wife well of course is you to evaluate your life and say Who am I what am i doing and we see this doesn’t mean we’re perfect this doesn’t say like hey I’m perfect therefore do exactly as I’ve done this is saying like my life and the direction I’m going and the choices I make and the wisdom I walk in and the way I decide things and then can you tell someone to follow that example or do you have to constant L someone like actually do what I say not what I do you know do what the Bible says but not necessarily I do because I don’t always do it the Bible says no we want to be examples so again when you focus and you make your you recognize the ministry that is your marriage the ministry outside that marriage starts happening organically yep because you could tell someone like actually no follow our example you know we are growing and learning and changing and we’re following what the Bible tells us and therefore you should do the same and I can comfortably say that and that’s what we just want to challenge you with that question to ask yourselves can you tell another young couple another new believer a non-believer to follow your example and be honest with it and say no honestly like look at my life come peak in peer into our home and follow our example and you know what there are areas of our life that we know we can’t tell someone to follow in our example and we have to be confronted with that and we have to change in it you know that when we see like oh you know actually we still bicker you know we need to we can’t tell someone to follow our example in the way we communicate because sometimes we communicate wrong and this is something that we are often confronted with and have to change it but you know what I can tell someone they follow our example in the fact that we are humble and we recognize more wrong and we change yeah so you talked about you know this example and being an example to other people and our example is found in the word and what you know how God directs our hearts and so I want to read Ephesians 5:22 through 33 so it says wives submit to your own husband’s as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its Savior now as the church submits to Christ also wives should submit and everything to their husbands husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish in the same way husband should love their wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh this mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church however let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband yes so there’s a lot of Scripture but this is like the the staple marriage Scripture but what’s happening here there’s something so much deeper than what we might think Paul is get telling us that our marriages are a symbol that represent a ancient mystery which is Christ in the church my wife represents the church all of us me as a husband I represent Christ in the world and our relationship together represents Christ’s relationship with the church and so we have to ask ourselves what message are we giving to the world with our marriage yeah if we’re if we’re walking this way if we’re being obedient to these scriptures people will see the reflection of Christ in the church yeah that’s exactly what our ministry is in our marriage that our marriage is not just to make us happy it’s not just to you know be a happily ever after story but our marriage is actually ace it’s a earthly symbol of a spiritual truth that my wife represents a church that is become one with the body of Christ and that’s what we’re telling the world we’re like hey we this oneness that we have this the way we walk we’re representing a heavenly spiritual truth and here’s the here’s the downfall if you’re not doing that you’re showing the world a false gospel you’re showing the world like hey God only loves you as long as you you know serve me the way I want to be served God only is gonna love you if you do everything right God’s you know that this is what you do you when you show you the world your marriage that’s fractured and broken and maybe even divorcing or adultery and cheating and all these things those are pictures of how the people of Israel were towards God when they would go and chase after false gods that’s a dull truth that’s why they use the word adultery in the Bible it was cheating on God and so when we walk in faithfulness with each other and in oneness with each other were showing the true message of what Christ came to do and is and it produces fruitfulness in so many different aspects of your marriage your family your children other people in your proximity of who’s around you and so we just yeah we we love this idea and message that the Bible presents of our marriage as being a ministry because it really is a beautiful thing that represents a beautiful mystery yeah and so if you’re currently in ministry outside the homeless a youth pastor a senior pastor worship leader or the plethora of other little things like you greet people you know maybe you’re a hospitable maybe you I don’t know serve the prison ministry there’s so many different types of ministry so we don’t want to just put certain labels out there but we’re talking to everybody who spends time outside the home serving others and and spending their time there this is what we’d say to you if your marriage is not this way if it’s not an order not perfect but if you guys are not focusing on seeing your marriage as a ministry take a break from the ministry doing outside the church outside your home yeah don’t sacrifice your marriage for that ministry yeah Court I say in the book is is don’t sacrifice your marriage on the altar of ministry you know your focus on your marriage go go make sure you are an example so that you are not going to be disqualified in this ministry when someone says like wait a minute tell me to be this way but why are you being that way over there we want to be good examples let me throw the ministry out but say hey I want to take a break from this I want to go I need a week we’ve done this we recognize this more in Africa or an action when we are in Canada over Dan we realize like okay we need to go home and take care of some stuff and you know what God worked on us and he was faithful to heal us and show us that this was our first ministry and then nothing else mattered unless we could do this and I want to go back to what you said about you know not don’t sacrifice your marriage on the altar of ministry that’s such a good quote but it doesn’t happen in just one choice it’s not one decision just to say I’m gonna choose this ministry over my marriage it happens incrementally and I just wanted them to hear that because I think it’s really important to know that every choice that you make has an impact on your marriage and that’s really I think that we need to just stop and like think about that it’s good and I just thought of something one of our previous episodes we talked about escapism yeah if you’re using a ministry to escape what’s going on in your marriage like oh I can’t even deal with this or I feel so lonely or this and so therefore I’m gonna go over here and use this ministry and what I in my serving over here to get your mind off of it again let’s take a break and asks hey gun I want to I want to be a good minister over here in my marriage yeah I want to serve you as a good soldier in my home you know as Timothy is told by Paul you know when I want to go minister in my home right so real quick I want to talk about I want to talk to marriages where one of the spouses isn’t a believer you might be thinking like well how am I supposed to do this I can’t go and do any ministry because I my husband or my wife’s not a believer no I want to say this I want to say don’t just throw your ministry away but what I would say is make sure you are being the way you’ve been called to be as a ministry in your home even though your spouse is an unbeliever Peter gives us some very specific direction directives in 1st Peter chapter 3 telling husbands and wives how to be when your spouse is an unbeliever so that doesn’t mean throw the other ministry you might be doing out but make sure you are ministering the way God’s desires you to minister in your home now and so this is a little bit different if you’re both believers I think you should definitely definitely take a break from ministry if your marriage is not an order yeah and you’re not ministering to each other the way the Bible calls us to if you’re in a marriage where one’s an unbeliever you can still be seeing your marriages at your first ministry and you can actually sacrifice things me like you know actually I can’t go do that because I know that I’m gonna go spend time with my husband for this purpose and consider the impact that’s gonna make your husband’s life I mean that’s just think yeah well go read 1st Peter chapter 3 and see the power that a believing spouse could have in an unbelieving spouses life when you walk the way the Bible tells you to it tells you that you could potentially save them and bring them salvation through the way you are to them and so again I don’t want to just say throw it all out but I would say consider if you are ministering to your unbelieving spouse the way you’ve been called to minister to them first and then do those other ministries cuz I’m sure you know I could see that being a case where you know you have your around other believers and you want to you know serve in those ways and maybe your spouse has wants nothing to do with that so I just way that balance that taken with a grain of salt on that side pray about it but know that even in a situation where you have an unbelieving spouse it is still your first ministry yep so another scripture that we wanted to bring up for you guys is 1st Timothy 3:5 did you want to read that and just touch a little bit on yeah so this is Paul’s telling Timothy he’s giving order on how an overseer or a deacon qualifies to be in those roles in the church and so I’m not talking in the sense of those but I want to talk in the sense of how we all should be and he says this in chapter 3 verse 1 it says this this saying is trustworthy if anyone aspires to the office of overseer he desires a noble task so first of all to all the men he’s saying like hey it’s a noble thing to desire that position whether you have it or not and so we should desire it but listen to the qualifications he gives he says therefore an overseer must be above reproach the husband of one wife sober minded and self-controlled respectable hospitable able to teach not a drunkard not violent but gentle not quarrelsome not a lover of money and then listen to this part he says he must manage his own household well with all dignity keeping his children submissive for if someone does not know how to manage his own household how will he care for God’s church so in regards to just doing ministry this is saying like having the specific ministry in the church this is the qualifications but we should all desire this position and therefore we should all try and desire to walk in these ways and he’s taking this is a pretty stark thing he’s saying he’s saying how can you want to manage the household of God if you can’t manage your own home and then he even says up here that a qualification is being a husband of one wife and so he’s even saying like marriage is a qualification for that position and so there’s all these these things that line up of saying like is my home in order it’s my is my wife cherished you know is my husband loved and respected are my children you know submissive and honor tests meaning we’re taking the time and training our children and so these are all things that happen in the home these are all things that happen at home right here with this relationship and so this was just an encouragement again we’re not talking specifically about this office in the church we’re just using these principles overall and if we’re thinking about trying to do ministry outside the home that we should have our home in order have our hearts in order with our spouse have our hearts in order with our children because you know what at the end of my life I don’t want to go and stand before my father in heaven and have all these great things that I’ve done and have lost my children to the world and have a wife that was bitter and angry to me because of the way I led I would much rather have a wife that is cherished and loved and feels confident and powerful and a ministry that God has for her and I’d rather have children who love me and and love God right absolutely then any other ministry in the whole world yeah I’d rather those things to be true in my life but you know what when those things are true in our lives ministry naturally happens outside the home yeah because there’s freedom there’s fruit there’s authority there’s power we’re not hypocrites we walk in in authority because we’re not ashamed we’re not hiding and that’s what our hearts is for you that’s our hearts for you as you walk in as a marriage after God that you would see your marriage as your first ministry again we’re not saying you’re only ministry but it’s your first ministry it’s the first person God’s given you to practice the things that God’s told us to be in this world and we do it to each other first took enforcement foremost and then we do it to our kids and then everyone else after that so we just want to encourage you today ask yourself that question or you can you be an example can people follow your example ask yourself do you see your marriage as your 1st ministry and then ask God to reveal to you how he wants you to navigate that and and turn in towards each other in that in that way thank you guys so much for joining us this week we hope that it blessed your marriage and that you just have an incredible week and we’ll see you next time did you enjoy today’s show find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriage after God calm and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage [Music]