What is a WIFE’S ROLE in MARRIAGE | CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ADVICE
Hey guys! Last time we looked at the husband’s role in marriage and in this week, we’re gonna look at what is the woman’s role in marriage. Marriage is so important to understand in light of Scripture, because it can save your marriage and protect you from a lot of unnecessary hurt and regret. Now, we all know that divorce rate skyrocketed over this last 40 years; It more than doubled, and you can see the effect of broken families all over the world. So don’t let it happen to you, because marriage is one of the most amazing things that we can experience in this life, if you know how to have a healthy marriage. And it starts, in knowing your role as the wife in a marriage. So let’s get to the video… Now just very quick, if it’s your first time here on my channel, I’m Daniel Maritz and welcome to DLM Christian Lifestyle. Consider subscribing and also clicking that notification bell, so you won’t miss any of the next video’s. Now, what is the wife’s role in the marriage? Well, this goes straight to the Bible; and then I will explain it as we go along; Proverbs 31:10 says: “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.” Let’s go to verse 26: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Meaning – she’s not lazy. Let’s go to Titus 2:3, “The older woman likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things – ” Now listen to this: “…that they admonish the young women to love their husbands.” Now, many Christians say… and usually a lot of men say… “In the Bible it says that, men have to love their wives, but it doesn’t say that women have to love their husbands.” But actually, if you look at this, it actually does. Now let’s continue: “…that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be blasphemed.” Now let’s go back to Proverbs 31:10. It says: “Who can find a virtuous wife?” So your aim should be, to be a virtuous wife; showing or having high standards and morals. If you’re not married yet, then don’t try to find the right guy first; focus on being the right wife first. And then, trust God to give you your husband at the right time. Now, I’ve been married now for ten years and I thank God that I have a Godly woman, that put God first in our marriage and in her life, because if God is first in your life, everything else just falls into place – including your marriage. But in this video there’s five important points that I want to go through in this video. Let’s start with number one: 1. Have respect for your husband. Ephesians 5:33 says: “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” It is very important that you always respect your husband; when you are alone, when you are in front of people and when you’re in front of your kids. Remember, Proverbs 31 says: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and her tongue is the law of kindness.” It looks very, very ugly if a woman is very disrespectful towards her husband, in front of other people, or her kids. Just wait until you’re alone to talk with him, if you have an issue with something, And remember, it’s not just WHAT you say to him, but it’s HOW you say it, that usually determines the outcome of the conversation. 2. Don’t over-criticize your husband. It’s always good to give your own opinion and to say what’s on your mind, but don’t over-criticize him all the time . Don’t break him down, but build him up with good advice. There’s a huge difference. Remember, in Proverbs 15:1 – 2 ,we read: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.” And verse 4 says: “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. I’m reading from the New King James, but in the New International Version, it says: “It crushes the spirit” So be wise before you speak, think before you say anything. Proverbs 17:27 says: “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips he’s considered perceptive .” You know, I’ve heard some men and also some women say: “It’s just the way I am, before I can even think I just speak, and then it’s too late…” Don’t believe a lie, be very careful. Because it’s just an old habit, that you’ve been used to, for so many years. If you’re a real, reborn Christian, you have the Spirit inside of you, and one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control; which you can read in Escalations 5:22, when you have some free time. Now this of course, is for men too, but this video – we’re only focusing on women today. 3. The third point, is to be discreet and chaste. ‘Discreet’ means, to be careful; in speech and in actions. And in Titus 2:5, ‘discreet’ is used with ‘chaste’; which means to be pure, and not to have relationships outside of marriage. So, you have to also be careful in the way that you speak, and act towards other men. If you’re not for sale – don’t advertise that you are in the way that you dress, and then also make your husband unhappy in the process. But I think ‘discreet’ here, also means to be careful in the way you speak, and also act towards your husband. Because, later in the sentence, it also says, “good, obedient to their own husbands.” And sometimes you get women who always want to complain and argue with their husbands, and it drains the life out of them. And Proverbs 21:19 explains this by saying: “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman. It’s of course okay, to give your opinion, but don’t always argue and complain about everything whenever you feel like it. Because you see, it should always feel great for your husband to be around you. 4. Support your husband. In South Africa, we have an Afrikaans saying that says: “Agter elke goeie man, staan ‘n goeie vrou.” “Behind every good husband, stands a good wife.” It’s a wife that encourages her husband, that supports him, and ultimately strengthens him, to be his best. You know, men can sometimes look tough at the outside, but inside we need the support of our wives; we need the support in everything we do. So, as the husband is the head of the wife under God, the wife is the neck, which supports the husband. So, your role as the wife, is to help and support your husband to fulfill the duties of God; to let God’s will be done in your home where Christ is in the center. If your husband moves outside the will of God, you have full right to go to him and to support him, to bring him back
to God’s will. God’s will for him, for you, and for the children in the home. Now this is very important, so listen up: The husband is not the boss in a marriage – you and your husband; you are equal in front of God, but your roles are different. Both of you are made in the image of God, but your husband is the leader; A leader that is loving, not harsh and not patronizing towards the wife. His leadership is compared to Jesus’ leadership over the church – meaning us… So how does Jesus act towards us? He loves us, He understands us, He forgives us, He shows us mercy, compassion, and He is not selfish, He gave His whole life for us on the cross; and that is how your husband should be toward you. Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” If a husband treats his wife this way, the way that Jesus Christ treats us, with unconditional love, then the wife wouldn’t mind at all to support her husband as the leader. Colossians 3:18 – 19 says: “Wives, submit yourself to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. If your husband’s actions are in line with the Word of God, you have to submit to him. But only if he acts under the guidance of God, because God is the head of the husband. But remember, men and women are made equal in the eyes of God; both of them reflects God’s character in their lives. But when God made man, He knew that we needed help, and He said in Genesis: “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Are you a suitable helper for your husband? Do you support him in what you say, do and think? Think about it for a while and let God search your heart. 5. Focus on inner beauty. The Bible clearly talks about the importance of inner beauty. You know, a lot of women today focus a lot more on the outside appearance; to try and be accepted. But the Bible says the opposite. In 1 Peter 3:3 God says: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Now, there’s nothing wrong with putting on nice clothes, hair and makeup, and making a little bit of effort to look beautiful for your husband – there’s nothing wrong with that; But the main source of your beauty should come from inside, from your character. So, how do you act towards your husband? Can he trust you – especially when he is not with you? Proverbs 31, talks about the wife of noble character and says, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” And in proverbs 12:4 we read: “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” So, inner beauty is the most important, but that doesn’t mean that you should stop to make an effort, to look physically attractive to your husband as well. A lot of Christian women get in a comfort zone in the Christian marriage, because they think they are safe, because they married a Christian man that will not divorce them; But the devil walks around like a roaring lion… [sound of lion roaring] …and temptation is everywhere. The Bible is clear, that the husband should enjoy his own wife; In Proverbs 5:18 we read: “May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Is your husband still intoxicated with your love? And do you still make an effort for him like the time when you first met? You know, I need to touch on something else here, because some women withhold any sexual pleasures from their husbands for weeks, because they are angry at him, but then he walks through temptations every single day. Now this is very serious for God, and that is why God says in 1 Corinthians 7: 3 – 4, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourself to prayer.” Now listen to this: “Then come together; so that Satan will not tempt you, because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.” So dress to impress your husband, like the time you did when you first started dating. Eat healthy and look good for your husband, because your body and his, are now one; you are one flesh joined together by God. Most of the divorces we have today come from a wife or a husband that cheats. Don’t let it happen to you. I’m so thankful that I have a godly woman, and I’ve been married now for ten years, because we have an amazing marriage and we experience how wonderful God intended it to be between a husband and a wife, that loves each other. Of course we do have some disagreements every now and then, but we come together and we sort it out by looking at God’s Word. God is first in our marriage and we obey Him, and that is why we have a successful marriage. You know, the world out there can be very dark at times, and also depressing for a lot of people, that is why your home life is so important, the home should be peaceful. Where you can experience at least a little bit of rest and peace, and the happiness and joy. So, be a wife that lifts up the atmosphere at home, so that there is always peace between you and your husband and the children. As long as you put God first in a marriage, you will be a great wife, and you will have a husband that loves you, and that honors you. Remember, if you have not subscribed yet, please do so – and I’ll see you in the next video. Remember, God loves you, and I love you too, bye.