Real Love in a Christian Relationship

you our subject today is real love I wanted to keep it simple I wanted to keep it simple but in its simplicity it will be very revealing of what love is and of who God is and of how our relationship with God translates to our relationship with one another or when we when we are in relationship for marriage right because what do we learn last week during the dating is that we don’t date unless we’re intending to get married right right somebody wake up can somebody okay turn to the left turn to let everybody turn to left and shake the person next to you a little bit just shake the person next to you and shake the person next to you the prayer okay good good good good good good good good now now every the person the person on the end just kind of got left out of this one so god bless you guys everybody who’s on all the way on the left so now just the person on the very end can turn to the right and shake that person god bless you guys god bless you guys as you shake each other okay are you guys awake are you guys I’m feeling the same vibe I’m feeling this I’m feeling this what vibe of being alone I don’t know if I’m too far away or what I feel like coming up anyway today we’re going to talk about real love and you know this scripture in John 3:16 it starts out by saying for God so loved for God so loved that he gave and I think it’s so important for us to understand what love is in order for us to be able to have a relationship first and foremost with God and then to have a relationship with one another and I want us to start by I want us to start by looking at kind of what does the media tell us love is so we’re going to next slide what is the media tell us that love is is love holding hands that’s some kind of oh that’s my lease are this is love holding hands is love kissing is love dating or going on a date talking to each other is it is it giving gifts or is it the ultimate quote unquote act of love marriage and I think that those are some of the biggest deceptions that we find in the world today is the actions of love without actual love you see sometimes as Christians or as people in this world living in this world we can we can we can call something love that is actually an infatuation I know when I was younger I used to get infatuated with people like um I don’t know like people like Britney Spears I just I know this cheesy but it’s like back in the day I remember just infatuations I was like ma’am man that girl only knew me man she loved me man we just we get married and I thought hey look it’s like some of these people I was like man I just heart even you know sad I just I thought I could have a good relationship with them and I’d look at celebrities on because you know when you’re young you think about crazy stuff yo saying no time but anyway man it’s it’s it’s it’s tough when you’re the young CEO I’m sorry Jones I’m Dana yo ya girl yo zone oh man you pick on the young people god bless you guys thank you for being our sacrificial lambs today that can come from infatuations these kind of things can happen from infatuations it can happen from lusts it can just be out of passions or people can get used to each other and then out of being used to each other they can marry each other just because they’re simply in a selfish relationship where they just want things from each other or for for some people it’s the chase for a lot of guys it’s the chase and once they’ve reached that goal once they feel that they’ve won the girl the girl gets dumped and so that’s kind of the reality of a lot of a lot of life and of a lot of love quote unquote love in this world and it was interesting today I was talking with one of the gals she’s like 36 I work with her she’s really cool I won’t say her name just kiss she watches this but she’s really cool she’s not a Christian she’s not a Christian but um she started talking to me about love you know and I was saying oh today I’m preaching about love I always try to minister to her a little bit I saw today I’m preaching about love and what is love and we started talking about love and infatuations and and she agreed with me it was interesting we talked for like 30 minutes I know we were supposed to be working but we did talk for 30 minutes and and and we came to the same conclusion we kind of let it up to the same conclusion is that a lot of times in this world people get married people get together for all the wrong reasons which is why things end up in divorces and when people are infatuated with each other it does the wrong it has the wrong effect but if we know what love is I want to start I want to start with I want to start by telling you exactly what love is what is real love and so if you go to the next slide and we look at John first John 4:8 it says whoever does not love look but whoever does not love does not know God because God is love say it say God is love that is the first thing that is the very first thing about love is that you will never have real love until both of the people in the relationship have God right until both of the people in the relationship are in a relationship first with God so here’s the first point all of you who are single and are just look at a mango or if you David know this if the person that you are looking at there is not in a relationship with God you too are unequally yoked and and people say well maybe I will win her over she will become a Christian or maybe I will win him over and he will become a Christian it’s rare right it is very rare it happens but it is so rare and my question to you is this what are you gonna do if they don’t become a Christian your life is done what about your children how will they grow up I mean you you have missed the point so the first point is is that you both have to have a relationship with God in order to have love why because God is love that is what real love is real love is God and God is real love and so in order for us to have any kind of relationship with anybody we should first have a relationship with God a personal intimate relationship with God because you won’t be able to lead anybody anywhere right Andre until you have that relationship with God and so I want us to I want us to consider the importance of that and I want us to consider why it’s so important to be of the same faith and then this is kind of where I want to dig in this is where I want to dig in because that’s just the beginning our relationship with God is just the beginning it’s just the starting point of where our relationship with another Christian should begin as we talked about last week you you don’t date until you’re going to get married right you don’t date unless you plan to get married so young man if you ain’t got no job if you ain’t doing nothing he ain’t looking for a job if you just broke as a joke it’s gonna be really tough to get married because welfare is like really hard to live on I know we lived on welfare when we just came to America it was like I was just really fat because the only stuff you can get is like really fatty foods so it’s like you’ve really got to step it up young man and young lady if if if if you want to be able to action get married if you want to actually be able to get married and then young ladies if you’re just relying on I’m gonna marry him and then he’s going to provide I’m telling you the reason you’re getting married is already a sinful reason because what what is that I mean what is that talking about that’s just a selfish reason to get married I’m not going to do anything why because I’m a rare marry me a rich man y’all know come on we got more ladies today a lot of times we’ve been having more guys but today we’re a little little bit over the top with ladies so that’s good it’s good I mean I love it when we have a lot of guys but ladies always pay attention to love so this is good for you guys don’t look just to the guy to for provision you should be getting educated you should be growing in faith you should be growing in love because um I’ll get to that in a minute but it is just the beginning real love is having a relationship with Jesus Christ is just the beginning and then having that love is when having that relationship with God is when you can actually begin to step in to your relationship and then I want us to go to another scripture and that’s going to be out of John first John chapter 5 and verse 3 again first John chapter 5 and verse 3 let me know when you there there first John chapter 5 and verse 3 years ago one somebody say it’s a good one first John chapter 5 in verse 3 I’m there to go ahead and go to the next slide what is it what is it that love looks like what does love look like in a relationship and the Bible says it like this this is love for God to obey his commands and his commands are not burdensome for everyone born of God overcomes the world this is the victory that overcometh love this is love love looks like this we start out by getting into the relationship but what do you do once you’re into the relationship right I think I think so many times especially for young men it’s like he’s like out there stuck in the game and he’s like which which is the healthiest so them on that’s kind of and you’re looking for the best mate for you not for me you looking for the best mate for you mate that sounds really weird sounds really animals we’re not animals you guys were humans gosh Vasili you’re looking for the right partner a life partner for you let me explain it to you like this if I’m on if I’m in the pursuit of Jesus Christ I’m looking for that perfect person that’s gonna that’s going to come right up beside me and that they’re going to be pursuing Jesus Christ as well in the same direction to where when you’re running you’re gonna look over and you’re gonna say wow oh you’re here too you didn’t expect anybody there you weren’t looking for anybody there but they were there right in a in a good relationship you guys are both pursuing Jesus Christ you’re both pursuing Jesus Christ you’re helping each other in the faith if for some reason in your relationship now somebody told me this and and it’s proven to be very true but if in your relationship as you are pursuing Jesus Christ the person begins to slow you down the person begins to slow you down and they begin to take you away from Jesus Christ and take you away from your passions for your meager desires for Christ you may not have the right person you may not have the right person so you have to be careful pay attention to the signs what are they doing what kind of a relationship is it you should continue pursuing Jesus Christ and they they should help you and you should help them now this is a lot of people think that is just for the ladies because she was created as the helper for Adam well a lot of people don’t understand the scriptures and and it says that when she was created for Adam the only kind of help that Adam needed does anybody know this but you know this the only kind of help that Adam needed was this he just needed a companion Adam didn’t need any help name in the animals he named all the animals Adam didn’t need any help gardening he was like perfect he did whatever gardening he needed the garden was perfect there was no sin there probably weren’t any weeds everything was perfect okay it was perfect there was no there was no issues the ground was perfect God cursed the ground after sin Adam didn’t need anything but God said that I did not find a suitable companion for you that Adam did not find a suitable companion and God said all right go to bed and then Adam woke up he said Wow flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones I’m like that right yes you’re hot and you’re so beautiful oh you don’t say you’re just so beautiful they say all right this is the one this is the one for me flesh of my flesh and they were in relationship together they were in relationship together that was just the beginning and so the companion we should be helping each other right things that LeAnn and I do is we encourage each other to read the Bible it’s funny but there will be times where it’s like so like when was the last time did a Bible study and it’s like today when was the last time you did one I’m like uh you know like two days ago or something she’s like what come on man you got to get on board you got to get on board or sometimes it’s vice versa or sometimes I just need some encouragement or sometimes she just needs some encouragement I say sweetheart you keep singing in that worship team I understand you can’t make it to our thing today but you got to worship at your own church and I support her in that I’m not saying I’m not doing it in a selfish way where I say well I’m serving and you’re serving you should be helping me no see that’s wickedness now a good relationship is when you can support each other in your pursuit of God and in the service that you have for God remember you guys remember last week what was point number one your relationship should number one bring glory to Jesus your relationship should bring glory to Jesus so that’s the same point is that our relationship in support of each other we bring glory to Jesus one service is not greater than the other service one man’s service is not greater than the woman’s service both services are equally important in the eyes of God why the Bible says for in Christ there’s neither male nor female slave nor free or Jew nor Greek there is neither Jew nor Greek slave nor free male or female because in Christ we are all one we are all the same in the eyes of God in our relationship when we come together with that person that we’re going to be with for the rest of our life we should come together in a way that we help each other walk we help each other walk after God relationship another thing about relationship and in real love right real love in a relationship is that real love does not live on fear does not live on fear and I believe that in this world a lot of times things happen out of fear or happen out of threats if you don’t this if you don’t do this then you don’t love me that’s a threat right you that you’re saying you’re saying you’re putting the person in a spot that you’re saying if you don’t do this for me or if we are infinite if if you don’t I don’t know I don’t know an examples look at I say it huh right if you don’t watch my car if you don’t clean my shoes oh I know if you don’t cook me lunch you must not love me oh yeah ladies if you don’t bring me something for Valentine’s Day he must not love me oh snap now you’ve fallen into that now you’ve fallen into that selfishness category and so this fear and then and then people begin to serve each other out of fear and it’s not servanthood at all see because if I think that if I don’t get Liana something because because it’s Valentine’s Day and I think that all men she’s just going to be mad at me that’s really sick right if I think that oh if I don’t get her something she’s going to be mad at me well then I know that she is just after material things but thank God landing like that at all don’t care this year we decided anyway we decided a lot of things anyway so we have our own relationship and it is unique in the way that we do things but it’s not out of fear that we stay in the relationship either it should never be look man I’m just giving you guys points for your future in a relationship if the person threatens you and they say if you love me do this or else you don’t love me or or I’m going to leave you unless you do this is based on fear and so now in order for the person to not leave you you’re afraid and so you say okay I’ll do this I’ll conform all change I’ll stop doing this I’ll start going there I’ll start doing these things with you in order to in order to have this relationship with you and that’s a relationship built on fear but God said that perfect love drives out all fear perfect love drives out all fear and I want us to look at this I’m going to stand on this point for a little bit for God so loved the world that He gave for God so loved the world that He gave I want to get into a little bit about faith and works okay the Bible says that faith without works is dead right so watch this for God so loved the world that He gave because I am because I love Lyanna I do you see I don’t have to do anything in order to earn her love I love and so then I do I love and so then I Drive a hundred miles for the last two and a half years Lord Jesus or she drives she drove down nobody forced her nobody made her in our relationship that’s actually like this we have this great saying it’s a free country it’s a free country you want to come great I’d love to have you you can’t make it great God bless you and whatever you’ll be doing it’s a free country and in our freedom and in our freedom we’re able to have a relationship it’s not actions that caused our relationship to happen it’s out of our relationship that we begin to do actions I mean to this day ask her to be my Valentine I say will you be my Valentine and today I said will you go to dinner with me we always go to dinner always we always we go to do every weekend is a date and every I mean I think we’re so used to going out and dating that that it’s like to going on dates that we don’t recognize that we are always on dates but it’s but it’s a freedom in our relationship that causes us to stay in a love that’s not out of here it causes us to stay in a love that’s not out of bondage you guys know that that’s what God wants for your relationship with him too you should never feel ever that you have to do works in order to gain God’s love mmm God said while you were still sinners he loved you I loved you no matter how messed up you are no matter how messed up you are God says I love you God says I forgive you but the relationship has to become sincere because watch this or it’s no relationship at all if the relationship is not sincere I mean it’s actually you can’t even define it as a loving really you can’t even define it as having a savior unless the relationship becomes sincere and you understand that you’re not in bondage by God but that God gave you a freedom and he said he said draw near to me and I will draw near to you that Jesus said stay in my love so that your joy will be made complete stay in my love stay in the love of Jesus you don’t have to do it God won’t make you do it God is a gentleman stay in the love of Jesus and then you will have a relationship with him and it’s free and it’s free and then in your relationship with God you don’t you don’t you don’t start reading your Bible because you have to read your Bible no you start reading your Bible because you recognize that you are in community with God and that you are in relationship with God that you want to talk with God and that you want to know more about God you want to go on a date you want you I’m serious I’m so serious and Lyanna knows this it’s like if I haven’t offered unity oh man I love to tear away to a coffee shop I usually get distracted but I’m cool with that but I love to tear away to a coffee shop and just read just to read my Bible just to do a Bible study again I absolutely love to it’s it’s it’s my date time with my holy God that’s how I get to know God more I know that he is with me that’s when I’m in the presence of my god because I love him I don’t do it because somebody told me I do it because I’m in love with God you can’t take it away from me you can’t doesn’t matter what you do to me on the outside my love with God is everything that I’m doing is from an outpouring of my heart my mouth speaks it should be the same way in any Christian relationship it’s because I love that I do it’s because I love that I give it’s because I love that I give gift is because I love that I spent time with her and ladies in the same way it’s because you love that you give is because you love that you spend time with him not because you’re afraid he’s gonna leave you that’s disgusting that’s revolting to me that’s disgusting I hate it when I hear fear especially in women I hate that it bothers me it bothers me when people would lord it over somebody and demand that you be this way or no way and I want to talk about that a little bit more in relationship there’s another thing that happens right in relationship and this is this is you you make sacrifices right when I came to the Lord when I came to the Lord I said drinking partying all this other stuff bye-bye in a relationship with why because I’m in a relationship and in covenant with God right because God said that that’s no good and God said that if you’re in that you’re not in me and so out of my love for God I sacrifice those things it’s the same way in relationship in relationship watch this this is this should be in a marriage question but in relationship there will be things that you will say this is absolutely part of who I am you will say this is absolutely something that I will not change about my life remember Liana and I have had these kind of conversations where she said this is what I want to do and I remember and she said I want to be a dentist I remember this is when we just started dating because I wouldn’t lead somebody on like that but this is when we just started dating within the first first three months I’ve made this decision in my heart I said no matter what no matter where she goes to school no matter no matter no matter what no matter what kind of job I have no matter what I will drop everything and I will go where she goes to school that was a sacrifice I made in my life and I’m holding to it to this day I’m gone anywhere but lord knows if we go we go we stay we stay us in the hands of God but it’s a sacrifice I made and in turn there are things where I said absolutely this is my life this is my pursuit you know I totally in a very honestly I said look my life I’m not in the pursuit of money if you just want somebody rich you’re gonna have to go elsewhere I’m not in the pursuit of money I’m not and we were open we were open wide because men look I got I got my whole life ahead of me the last thing you want is somebody that hates you with you somebody that wants something else that’s with you hey I mean you’re gonna have a messed up marriage if you guys are going different directions right right that’s like being in relationship with God and constantly wanting to do drugs or drink is that you’re always gonna be in in and obviously you guys are gonna it’s like plus and minus on the magnet so you just always going in the opposite direction God says let’s go this way you say well I really want to go this way well yeah going with God it’s in the same way in relationship I want to go this way I want to sir I’m gonna be administered no matter what I’m this is what I’m doing this is my life well I don’t want to well peace that’s how it should be or they can say that’s awesome that’s part of my vision too I want to support you I want to do whatever I got to do in order for you to be successful in ministry I said well great then we’re on the same page no matter what in relationship we’re going to be had in the same direction I’m we’re gonna we’re gonna finish up real soon real love is not a feeling I’ll say that again real love when you fall in love with somebody it’s not a feeling it’s not hear me it’s not being happy that’s not real love real love is not when you’re happy I was just talking with that gal today and she said my mother this is her mother she got a vote but she said my mother wasn’t happy so she left my dad and that is the way of the world love is a decision that you make for better or for worse that’s marriage right through thick and through thin through poor through rich what is it sick and healthy I don’t know they say a bunch of stuff but you make a decision and that’s why when they stand you up there and they say the richer or through poor healthy SiC and you will be together and they say yes I do yes I will I will be with this person forever no matter what and that’s what God wants from us as well is that no matter what no matter if you’re going through a hardship no matter if you’re on top of the mountain if when you’re going through a hardship you don’t you don’t get mad at God and say God why this this is garbage and you’re not a good god you can ask why but when you start I don’t know the word in English but when you start on but when you start but uptight how do you say that what uptight when you start um when you start um rejecting God or getting mad at God and you start hating God because of what he’s taking you through just know your your love with God at that time is no more or or when you’re at the top of the mountain and you say man I got everything I need I don’t need God I got here and this is me and this is Who I am you know it’s really interesting to me every time I watch people in the world die every time I watch lives come to an end I always remember this scripture in Ecclesiastes and it says that they will they will the wicked they will prosper but halfway I will cut them off he said I will cut their life off halfway you guys know what I’m talking about you know tamo anybody else they say he says about halfway I’ll cut off their life and that’s what I see so often is that marriages after they’ve been married for 24 25 years they get a divorce after the kids are out of the house their lives they’re cut off halfway Witney Hewitt in Houston just died at 48 I mean Michael Jackson bought that at 50 or something these people to get halfway through their life and then everything is taken from them but in Christ and in relationship through the through through the ups and the downs you stay consistent love is not a feeling love love is a decision that you make