How Perfectionism Will Ruin Your Relationships and Keep You Single (3 Christian Relationship Tips)

in this video I’m gonna give you three reasons that perfectionism will ruin your relationships and may even keep you single hey everybody I’m Marc from apply God’s Word calm a place where we apply the Bible to your life so the content from this video comes from an article that I wrote for relevant magazines so I will leave a link in the description of this video if you want more information on this topic so number one the way that perfectionism really can mess up your romance and really can keep you single for a long time is because perfectionism causes paralysis now a lot of times a perfectionist will appear like a go-getter somebody who’s really passionate about just attacking the thing that they want and making it happen and doing it in a very perfect way however when you talk to a perfectionist you’ll realize that they really struggle with procrastination a lot of times and with even just starting a job because they’re so worried about it being perfect they sometimes don’t even start so like they know that like when you’re coloring once you get outside the lines you know that picture is ruined pretty much you got to tear it out and start over so in relationships we all know that’s a little bit harder to do so a lot of times a perfectionist won’t even start because they’re too afraid of messing it up so rather than the deal with the messiness of a relationship they just hold back and wait for this perfect situation where they can almost guarantee that nothing bad will happen but obviously the reality is that situation rarely comes and if it does come it’s not based in reality so perfectionists end up waiting around a lot and they’re there they can be very paralyzed when it comes to relationships the second reason that perfectionism can ruin a relationship or even stop it from even starting is that perfectionism hinders realism so it’s great to have lists it’s great to have expectations and hopes and to know what you want in a Christian relationship one day however when your perfectionist your commitment to exactness and fulfilling every little checkbox on that list you’ve created can sometimes be too extreme and you end up missing out on getting to know real people because you’re too obsessed with looking for this perfect person that meets every single mark on your list now you know hitting every checkbox is great when you’re filing your taxes like that’s awesome do it all perfectly but the reality is relationships just don’t work that way it’s just messier than we would hope sometimes and so if you’re not willing to be messy and to like realize that not everybody is going to be this perfect person that you maybe dreamed about you know if you can’t get past that you’re not going to experience true love and the reality is true love is really messy there’s need for forgiveness there’s need for talking there’s need for conflict resolution and you know perfectionism just doesn’t leave room for that and lastly 0.3 perfectionism brings shame it brings shame for a variety of reasons but as we’ve been talking about a perfectionist really wants everything to be perfect obviously I mean that goes without saying but when it comes to real life and Christianity the Bible says that none of us are perfect only God is perfect only Jesus Christ came to earth lived a perfect life died the perfect death was you know came to earth through a perfect birth all of it completely perfect so that he did what we couldn’t do through the gospel and the reality is when we look for ourselves to be just like Jesus or we look for other people to be perfect the reality is we end up heaping shame either on ourselves or other people and that really can mess up your relationships again for a variety of reasons a couple of reasons are if you have shame about yourself if you know that you’re not perfect and you you’re guilty about that and you haven’t received Christ’s forgiveness for that you will end up compromising on your standards and you’ll feel like no one who is a strong Christian could love you and so you will end up dating people who are low caliber people because you think that’s all you’re good enough for but then you also have this desire of wanting a healthy Christian marriage one day so a few months or maybe even a few years goes by in your dating relationship and you realize I can’t marry this person this person doesn’t love God and then you break up and it doesn’t work out and you’re in this cycle of never meeting somebody another dangerous trend that happens with perfectionism and shame is that a perfectionist will often heap shame on other people when they do something wrong so I believe that it’s a principle in life that we generally treat other people how we treat ourselves so if if you have a hard few on yourself and you have a perfectionist view of yourself and you require yourself to live up to this super high standard and you feel really guilty when you don’t then you will project that on to other people and other people will feel that shame and judgement that you’re putting on them and that you put on yourself when you make mistakes and that person will just either get beaten down and just not be able to live with joy or they’ll just break up with you and leave you because you’re making them feel like crap basically so perfectionist really struggle with shame whether cheaping shame on other people or heaping shame on yourself and as we all know relationships just can’t thrive in an environment like that so in summary perfectionism and romance just don’t mix romance and relationships are truly messy and it’s just not as neat as we sometimes like to expect in closing if you want a healthy Christian marriage one day then it’s time in your singleness and in your dating to let go of perfectionism because in marriage it’s just as messy if not more messy because you’re revealing more of yourself to that person and we’re dealing with our flaws and deeper ways and we’re together for longer so no marriage can survive when there’s this shame or this deep need for perfectionism because real life is just so much more messier than that so if you want to start training to have a healthy marriage one day start now by accepting the messiness of relationships well I’m Marc from a PI God’s Word com if you enjoyed this video don’t forget to give it a thumbs up leave us a comment in the comment section let me know what you thought about this content what comments that you want to offer the agw community or what follow-up questions you might have I’m always interested to hear what you guys are thinking this channel is for you so it’s always helpful to me when I hear your thoughts and your questions well thanks again for watching god bless [Music] you