Hard work in Relationships ~ Christian Dating Advice ~ Sermons on Love

chapter 2 verse 15 and a reader might skip around a little bit but it just goes here we go the Lord God took the man after he’d made him and he put him in the Garden of Eden no just side no I’m reading from the old NIV so some of the words are a little bit different from the NIV you’re and it’s because mine was from 1984 and yours is like from 2010 or something okay here we go now the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of the Eden and put him to work to take care of it gave Adam a job and the Lord God commanded the man he said you are free to eat from any tree in the garden but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil for when you eat of it you will surely die the Lord God said it is not good for man to be alone gentlemen same in there you go it is not good for man to be alone I will I will make a helper suitable for him now the Lord had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air and he brought them to the man to see what the man would name them in whatever the man called each living creature that’s what the name was so the man gave names to all the livestock all the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field but for Adam no suitable helper was found so the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping he took one of the man’s ribs and he closed up the place with flesh then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought it to the man and the man said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh now the man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame come on sidenote that’s a married man that said that just so you guys know it’s not some random dude it’s like yeah [Laughter] it’s true though okay now the serpent here we go chapter 3 now the serpent was more crafty than the in the wild animals the Lord God had made and he said to the woman on the serpent here is definitely representation of the Satan the accuser and he said to the woman did God really say you must not eat from the tree of the garden the woman said to the serpent well we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden but God did say you must not eat the fruit from from the tree that is in the middle of the garden and you must not touch it or you will die well that’s not exactly what what God said to Adam now either Adam he didn’t communicate it properly or even words to things which some ladies do oh I missed it’s true um just kidding you will not surely die the serpent said to the woman for God knows that that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God knowing both good and evil now when the woman saw the fruit of the tree was good and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom she took it and she ate some of it and she also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate it then their eyes were both open and they realized that they weren’t naked so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves they tried to cover up their own stuff and the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God walking through the cool of the garden and they hid from the Lord God among the trees the garden but the Lord called out to the man where are you and he answered I heard you in the garden I was afraid because I was naked so I hid and he said who told you that you were naked have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from the man said well the woman you put here with me she gave me some of the fruit to eat and I ate it men shift and blame like we do right ladies right I love that I got a name in from over here she’s sitting next to a guy then the Lord God said to the woman what is this you have done turn the page and the woman said well the serpent deceived me and I ate it so then the Lord talks to the serpent and now pronounces some curses but then he says this listen this one’s gnarly here we go this is like a big verse for this evening verse 16 then into the woman God looks at the woman he says I will greatly increase your pains and childbearing with pain you will give birth to children your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you and he will rule over you now before gentlemen you get too excited about that verse it’s important that you play close attention to tonight’s teaching let’s pray as we dive into this idea this subject of the rhythm of hard work the rhythm of hard work father we come and we thank you so much that we get to gather in this place that we get to worship you that we get to experience your presence corporately as well as individually we just ask now God that she would speak to us God that she would speak to her mind that she would speak to her hearts God that she would encourage us where we need encouragement that she would convict us where we need conviction but Lord ultimately we would leave this place closer to you Father we trust you with our futures we trust you with our lives we trust you in our singleness we trust you in our relationships who trusts you in our marriage father we trust you in Jesus name we pray and all God’s people said amen amen now this right here we just went back to the original like the original relationship the original marriage and since this time we’ve seen how people meet and function it’s gotten so different throughout the ages and throughout the times and and in some countries and in you know in some consonants and stuff are still and different they have different cultures and customs on how this all works together but I mean we’ve seen the gamut you see in the Bible where there’s things called arranged marriages you guys ever heard of arranged marriage before it’s where there was where a couple of parents they get together and they say hey your daughter and my son they would be good together so let’s go ahead and say that they’re gonna get married you can pay me some goats or whatever we’ll call it good and then they’re gonna get married now arranged marriages arranged marriages being a father of two daughters I’m cool with it I’m cool if I could be the one to say look your your your sons are incredibly intelligent incredibly good-looking incredibly athletic incredibly rich they can they can marry my daughters but but but I’m not I’m a lot of I’m just kidding I would not do arranged marriage I’m not I’m not an arranged marriages but we’ve seen just throughout the year we’ve seen then we’ve seen it kind of moves like into like a dating the dating was actually invented in the 1940s 1950s with like the accessibility of the car and so we started to see the people didn’t date to get together they they would call each other on the telephone and they would say hey what are you doing tonight can I take you out to eat can I take you to the movies they would they would actually call each other and and talk to each other and and it’s like this crazy thing that would take place and then even sometimes they would meet in person not just online and and then and then we see throughout the the years then like you know people begin they start to they start to to date via online they have online dating now years ago this was like a like almost people were like ashamed oh when we met online and and now it’s like of course we met online we met on a dating website we met on all these different like forms and fashions in order to to us for us to get together and when we did now we just now we have it on our phones and all you got to do is just open up and happen to swipe right there you go like we with the with it’s it’s it’s just it’s changed throughout it’s just changed throughout the years and I don’t necessarily think like let’s fight it and let’s go back to the days or arranged marriage or let’s go back to talking on the it is what it is I think it’s just important though that we are we are purposeful with our relationships I think you know that I mean like we’re living in a day and age where all you have to do is see someone that you like and and you can slide right into their DM you know act no joke no joke somebody tried to slide into the DM of my daughter about to slide my fist in his face in the name of the name of Jesus come on yes there you go he’s 12 son nod win but um definitely bigger than him so she responded she’s like I have no feelings for you so yes yes this is this is the day and the age though in which we in which we are are living is is it’s just you can you can connect in any way shape form or pie so just it’s just the way that it but it is and doesn’t necessarily make it wrong or make it right because ultimately when two people begin to be together and they decide that they want to be together they’re gonna have a relationship and relationships are incredibly hard work they are so hard in order to have one that is happy and successful it takes so much work and and I think that it’s incredibly interesting that if even you go back to the original relationship people the original relationship if you look at Adam and and Eve like if you ever if you’ve ever wondered like is there like who’s there like there’s God have like one person out there for me well Adam didn’t have to worry that it was like you know like hey Lord is she the one yes she is the only one it’s there’s nobody else Adam she’s it buddy you like like like there that that’s like she was v1 as a matter of fact she was formed and fashioned for Adam for them to be together they they lived in Paradise they had the perfect circumstances there was no there was no sin there was no shame there was no clothes no like it was it was perfect they were set they were set up at and Adam it wasn’t he was employed he had a job ladies that’s always a good thing if the guy that you’re dating has a job Jo B get one boy so so he was able to like he was providing he was taking he was in the family business he’s taking care of the garden he was it was good he was set things were set it was perfect it was the perfect situation and yet somehow they blew it like you have the the the man and you have a woman that’s formed for the man they’re in relationship and yet somehow they allow sin to come into the world somehow they have a failure in communication once that takes place you see Adams starting to blame you see arguments and then you see a giant curse which is put on man and woman in relationship see the Adam and Eve they they didn’t have like old cultural baggage they had to deal with it have any old family baggage they had to go through they didn’t have to work through any that stuff but still yet they found themselves in a broken type relationship if you follow the rest of their their their marriage even the way their parenting failed one of their kids killed another one of their kids like it’s just they they kind of blew it it all just shows that like there is nothing there is there is there there is no perfect situation for a relationship now I know that that’s hard to believe because we think we’ll know I’m with the perfect person right now give it like two months it’s been two months give it to more I don’t know like give it two years he or she’s gonna screw up eventually like you can’t pretend forever dating is called dating for a reason you know like because you put on your best like you put on your best front you put on like you dress up like you’re super nice you very polite you offer to pay something you guys are writing that down offered to pay got what I came for like but but eventually like real life starts to take place real life starts to happen and you start to deal with with real issues and real things now again Adam and Eve didn’t really have a whole lot of this baggage but yet still things went awry still things went wrong and now because of Adam and Eve we we we have a curse that is upon relationships it was found in verse 16 it says that your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you your desire ladies will be for your husband and he will rule over you now again gentlemen before you get too excited about this life she’s gonna want me and I’m gonna rule her that’s not exactly what it means so ladies you can breathe a sigh of relief what it means is this is that you ladies are gonna have a desire to rule your husband you’re gonna have a desire to want to rule him to want to control him to want to lead him and then God says you’re gonna have that desire but he is going to be the one to to I guess lead or quote-unquote rule you so what you have right off the bat within relationships and we want more importantly within marriage is you have conflict there’s just conflict there’s always gonna be a little bit of a power struggle there’s gonna be this conflict that takes place there’s there’s gonna be her wanting to lead and there’s gonna be him that’s trying to lead and there’s gonna be a conflict trouble it’s right there it’s it’s it’s biblical now ah but I do want us to understand that within this this isn’t now a mandate by men to to like like rule women like whoa just being trying to be godly like this isn’t your this isn’t your okay now to to to dominate and and and and I I know I know that a lot of like churches have taught stuff like this I know that even a lot of Christian cultures we see this where we we elevate man to this like pedestal where he is the lead and he is a guy and he’s all of it but what we see what we have to understand is that that God sees men and women is equal God sees men and women is equal I mean men and women were both made in His image by the way so so you know women you are made in the image of God as well so it isn’t just like man and then women are this second thought no no you actually are the Christian you guys are the the last of creation the Christian dough is what I was trying to say there we go like you guys are it you guys are the top you guys are God made you and said and can’t do any better done another gentleman another place for you to say Amen I’m done setting you guys up you’re on your own that’s it okay whatever first Peter at first Peter chapter 3 verse 7 it says this that it goes through first the first part of first Peter 3 talks is talking to wives and it says chapter 3 verse 7 it says husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect and treat them with respect and treat them with respect as the weaker partner now this isn’t weaker in any way shape or form except for physicality as weaker partner and as heirs with you and as heirs with you not heirs below you now heirs serving you but heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing so that nothing will hinder your prayers so that your prayers will still be heard basically in in 1st Peter it’s a call for men not to be dominant and not to be physically dominant in their relationships but to treat their wives with love respect and care that physically women often times can be weaker now this isn’t true all the time but most the time it’s a women are not I mean some not to use their physicality to to rule and terrain but we have to learn how to to lead and like we talked about last week a little bit collaboratively the word we’ve got to figure out how to lead collaboratively that ultimately the the onus is on the man ultimately the the the weight would be on the man but we’re to lead collaboratively and we’re to lead our families in this way to women are not to be hunted women are not objects to be gone after men also are not to be hunted or gone after but they’re to be pursued respectfully and lovingly nicely graciously but we have to stop seeing each other as objects to be one it said we need to see each other as people to be known because on top of this curse we have baggage we have baggage people we’ve got issues we’ve got issues we’ve got issues because we’ve been raised in this culture we’ve been raised in this society and I think sometimes because we we fall deeply in lust right off the bat with people we we tend to ignore the issues that people have we tend to or not even just the issues but we tend to ignore where people came from not understanding that where they came from helps direct where they go so we connect with these people and and we start to think that that like know these issues aren’t going to come up in our relationship these issues won’t even think they won’t come up in our marriage because we’re different where were the exception and we’re gonna have like this bliss that that that people write about and they look at and we’ll make sure that people know about it because we’ll post on Instagram every other day about it about oh my gosh she’s the best she’s amazing when altima you have to understand that because of where you came from social economically where you came from culturally where you came from the race where you grew if you grew up west coast east coast south where I mean all that stuff plays a part into who you are and who you’re gonna be in a relationship how your parents interacted your family dynamics and if you ignore all of those things then you are setting yourself up for major failure amen like you’re just gonna you’re just gonna set yourself up because you think you’re you’re you’re ignoring the obvious things that play into rate relationship dynamics so it’s important that you recognize and that you realize that your partner your spouse or your soon-to-be spouse they’ve got a past that has issues that you can look at their home life and their family life you can see the way that the father treated the mother or was a divorced family or whatever it was and know that that more than likely is going to impact you now I’m not saying this like you know so get out of there but so that you’re wise and you’re smart to what’s gonna take place I can’t help it but I’m a lot like my dad my wife tells me all the time so much like your dad I’m a daydreamer I’m a visionary I can check out I ask I’ll ask you a question and I will go someplace else in my head this does not this isn’t good for me in marriage I’m like baby how was your day ten minutes later so how was your day she doesn’t hit me just kidding but anyways so like there’s certain parts of like and she knew that she saw that about my dad she did she son that’s why she’s like you’re just like your dad there’s certain family dynamics I’ve seen in her family that I now see in our marriage good and bad see if we become more aware of these things we understand what it is that we’re walking into so that they don’t just hit us in the face and and and mess us all up or cause us to prematurely break up or or god forbid divorce you have to be aware of these things you think through here’s some here’s some some practical things for you guys to to write down okay write this down pay attention to family dynamics what was there what was their parents and relationship like what is their family’s relationship like how did their family does their family interact do they come from a broken home for me we didn’t we I didn’t grow up with any kind of family traditions you know a family tradition was like maybe we had Christmas at Grandma’s house so that all the relatives could get together and fight like that was that was it like my family dynamics were drastically different than hers so when it came to raising a family there was certain things that I had to bend on in certain things that she had to inform me and instruct me on number to write this down ask about strongholds and past sins ask about strongholds and past sins what are those things that might rear their ugly heads later on in their lives and in your relationship what are those things that you need to be aware of again not so that you cut and run but so that you’re just you’re aware of it so that you know how to pray for how to support how to understand write this down acknowledge where they came from like what is their background like men it’s important that you understand when you’re dating a woman or you’re married to to a woman that that she was raised in this culture as a woman and the way the way men are raised in the way women are raised in this society have been drastically different I just was watching a thing recently that that you see it’s so often you see it in schools and you see it all over the place the boys are actually they’re raised in society to be brave where girls are raised to be perfect so boys are much more about trying to take risks where girls can can tend to be a little scared in that department like we can’t ignore that the society and culture has had so much impact on who we’ve become even as sexes now I do say I will say this on International Women’s Day amen I will say this on International Women’s Day that I think that that culturally what’s taking place right now when it comes to to ladies is phenomenal and I think that actually with with how much how much strength they’re they’re showing how much initiative how just basically how incredible I think it’s closer to biblical womanhood than we’ve ever seen that like if you read through now again here’s here’s that kinda homies can take a side break for a second and we we the church freaks out when culture changes the church freaks out we always try to go back we should go back to like the 1950s you know you know where where guys showed up and ties and they’re like nice sure gee golly whiz would like to date your daughter we can we can we can we can you know freak out like that and you know open doors open doors for everybody just be nice be nice to it but two guys and girl just be nice people come on so we can we contended to kind of freak out there but if you if you look at like say proverbs chapter 31 I think starting from verse 10 on and you read what that woman was like dang it’s like she got up in the morning she took care of business took care of house went out decided to buy a couple of fields bought some businesses started some businesses when for like a UFC cage fight one walked out like got home like high-fived her husband I don’t know like she’s like she is this really if you’re gonna actually do what she did I think you don’t sleep and are unlike have tons of money and just rule the world but basically like I think we’re starting to see that take place now were where women are becoming more confident in who they’ve really been created to be I think and I’d say on the on the other side to like for for men we’re starting to see guys that are great with being in touch with their feelings that that they’re not freaked out when they when they cry that this is actually something they know that God has given them as an emotion that God is God created a motion therefore he’s given you emotion and we’re starting to see we’re starting to see guys that are okay with being warriors but being poets at the same time where we’re starting to see a biblical manhood not just cultural manhood you’re not guys you’re not a guy if you can like not cry and change your oil which in today’s cars is really hard to change your oil because it’s behind everything and when it’s weird but like that doesn’t necessarily make you up let make making you man so I mean I I think personally right now what we’re seeing is is kind of an awakening to really being okay with who God’s created you to be now a lot of people aren’t saying God created you to be this way but we’re seeing that people are going like no I’m I’m an artistic I’m a man that cares about my children I’m a man who’s gonna be actively involved and love my daughters like we’re seeing this ok sorry we’re gonna go back I don’t even know where I’m at right now so Jordan okay so just I know know this within all of this that that sometimes feelings can get in the way with it feelings feelings should be indicators not dictators in your life feelings can can show you the way that your your your experiencing life but it should not necessarily make you direct your life in a certain way and in in in order to in now in order to combat these conflicts in order to combat conflicts and your life be proactive not reactive be proactive not reactive in each area of conflict get counseling before you need it I know I make that point every single year but I absolutely mean it get counseling before you need it because in marriage when you guys have conflict and you have fight nobody wins nobody wins the argument and nobody wins the fight it says in Psalm chapter 34 verse 14 to seek peace and pursue it so within your marriages seek peace and pursue it and pray pray for your marriage pray I pray everyday from my marriage I pray everyday from my wife pray because you have to understand that if you are believers if you are people that have entrusted your life to Jesus Christ your marriage isn’t just a certificate given to you by the state no your marriage is spiritual your marriage is is is a union between you your spouse and the Holy Spirit that your your marriage is spiritual and the enemy is gonna do whatever he can to come in and divide that Union and mess with your marriage it says in Ephesians chapters 6 I think 13 or something like that that we don’t battle against flesh and blood but against the powers and principalities of this dark world meaning that if there is conflict and there is a rift in your marriage it’s not your spouse that you’re fighting you never spell to fight with your spouse you’re supposed to fight for your spouse [Applause] thank you for clapping so don’t get don’t get caught up in that don’t get caught up in trying to win because you’ll lose pray pray for your marriage and make sure that you have this communication see this is where it began to break down for Adam and Eve there was a communication breakdown meaning he either told her like he made the embellished a little bit and God said not to touch it okay and so she’s like whoa or or when it came time and she ate the fruit and gave it to me she said whoa hey babe no big mistake let’s not do that put that away instead he just kept his mouth silent meaning he didn’t communicate when he should have communicated communication is is where they began to break it down now today we have all sorts of form of communication we’ve got verbal we’ve got nonverbal we’ve got written as a matter of fact I think that we communicate mostly today a little bit of verbal but a lot in written as a matter of fact we communicate so much via text message we text each other all the time now here if you were in a relationship here is some hard fast rules for text messaging besides the keep it appropriate one okay ready text message text messages are for this encouragement hey thinking about you praying for you today hope you have a great day therefore making plans hey meet you there at this time see you then or they can be a great gateway into deeper conversations that need to be had but don’t necessarily want to be brought up in front of the other person because you’re a little bit awkward about it you’re like I don’t know if we I don’t know how to bring this up in front of you so I’ll go ahead and text you and say hey when we when we meet there later this is kind of the stuff that I want to talk about sinned that’s okay that’s okay I know some people be like never do that for you this age it’s not a biblical text messages aren’t biblical but anyway it’s it like but but but in my it gives you a little bit of that like text courage okay can we talk about this later so that when you get together the ice is already broken and you can go into it but text messages are not for arguments they’re not for fights they’re not for conflict I’ve never seen that go well ever in communication write this down in communications seek to understand not to be understood seek to understand not to be understood James chapter 1 verse 19 this is my dear brothers and sisters be quick to listen slow to speak and then therefore slow to get angry your communication should not be I’m I’m waiting for them to stop so that I can say what I want to say or or the whole time they’re talking you’re thinking of your rebuttal or any of that so you should always just be listening listening and seeking to understand what it is that they’re really saying what it is that they’re feeling what it is that they’re meaning behind their words because here’s the deal with words people is that because of where you grew up or how your family communicated and all that different stuff like we talked about a little while ago your your your your cultural baggage and and your growing up all that different stuff someone can say something in a way that means something completely different to you than the way they meant it and in unless you like stop and say this is what I’m hearing is this what you mean you’ll just react which brings me to my next incredible point respond don’t react respond don’t react may these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight Lord my rock and my Redeemer meaning really think through and consider the words that you’re about to speak ask more than you assume ask more than you assume proverbs 18:13 out of the contemporary English version says this it’s stupid and embarrassing to give the answer before you listen communication is so necessary proper healthy communication is so necessary and lastly before before we we get the worship team back up here tonight lastly I’d say this what leads them down this whole weird path is comparison now really they didn’t we weren’t comparing themselves to other couples but you see Satan get to Eve and he B says if you do this she’ll be like God meaning two things one is he’s saying you can now compare yourself with God you can now look at and see who he is and what he’s about as well as he makes him think he makes leave think that God’s basically been holding out on them but but comparison is a major thing especially in today’s society in today’s day and age can comparison comparison and it’s in his basic form is demonic comparison in his basic form is demonic meaning that we first see comparison you can read about it in Ezekiel chapter I think everything down Ezekiel chapter 28 in Ezekiel 28 we see that Satan he he begins to look at himself and he begins to see that he’s well-spoken that he’s well-liked that he’s one of the leading angels in heaven and he begins now looking at himself he starts to compare himself to God he compares himself to God and says no why aren’t I like God why aren’t I like he compares himself to God and I think when you see comparison begin to happen in relationships it’s a first step to killing the relationship when you as a couple begin to compare yourself to other couples when you as a person begin to compare your relationship to other relationships thinking I’m we’ve got a dial door they or they’ve got a doll why can’t we be more like them understanding that each couple has their own dynamic which makes them specifically unique now there are certain tools and things that you can do but but if you really think that their relationship is so great well you didn’t marry that guy she did or you didn’t marry that girl he did your with that person so if you were married then you have to make it work if you’re not then you go maybe this relationship isn’t really working out but ultimately you cannot get stuck in the game of comparison and today it’s everywhere because all you have to do is flip on your phone and open up the app Instagram or whatever else or snapchat you just begin to kind of flow through and you stop and you see this couple there smiling or they’re doing the selfie kiss what they’re doing duck lips together or whatever they’re doing and underneath is a caption about my gosh this is the greatest man in the world he completely understands me he lets me be me he laughs when I laugh he’s cries and I cry oh my gosh and I’m not pointing out anybody in here so you’re like oh my gosh she’s been stalking me on Instagram I have not it’s this pretty cliche I mean go ahead and post nice things about each other I think that’s a great I think it’s wonderful and I think if you found someone that you guys are into and you like that’s that’s awesome but don’t look at that they’re at their post and think like oh my gosh I wish that we could be like them because you don’t know their dynamic people will fight like crazy snap a selfie and post something cool doesn’t mean nothing doesn’t mean nothing or you can look at some of these relationship and say I want what they have and if you want what they have you have to go through what they went through like I think I think I have phenomenal marriage but I work like crazy at it I work hard and no joke we’ve had people we’ve had people go well well well Jeff and Erin made it Jeff and Erin did it like Jeff and like we got married at 22 and 21 big mistake and then and and then we thought we knew each other but we didn’t so so the first seven years was a struggle we’re very much opposites in this life I mentioned that a little bit last week very much opposites so different and I’ve seen people do it they’re like they’re together they’re incredibly different they’re like well look at them it’s like it’s what they did we can just be just like Jeff and Erin sweet you can be miserable for the first seven years of your marriage the next three are okay you’re gonna have to fight you’re gonna have to struggle you’re have to lay down hopes you’re gonna have to lay down dreams I really do love my wife this is like like oh my god never mind but so but but that just to clear that that’s why when I when I do post about my wife I’ve got 17 years behind it I got 17 years of fights I’ve got 17 years of gives showing preference to her I’ve got 17 years of making up and loving and having like deep conversations with other couples that are further in their marriage and further in their faith in us and and being completely open and torn apart like I we’ve got 17 years of that so when I post like oh my gosh she gets me it’s cuz she does because she’s seen every single ugly side of me and yet she still loves me I’ve seen every single not as pretty side of her and I’m still massively in love and infatuated with that woman to this day thank you but comparison can be dangerous gonna get the worship team to come up comparison can be dangerous each dynamic is different each person is an individual with their own issues and their own things seek to know them seek to understand them because again if the perfect situation like literally the perfect couple God fashioned them for each other with no history or baggage to deal with if they can develop issues it’s pretty safe to say that we can do and not only that but we are still suffering to this day because of their issues but all this is saying I’m gonna finish I don’t get off the stage and praise this is that because of because of them because of this curse because of all this we have to have an incredible reliance upon the holy spirit upon the Lord in all of our relationships that he has to be our first and our foremost like a little bit like we talked about last week but he truly is the glue that will keep us together