Avoid Making the Same Dating Mistakes
When a sister or brother makes a dating mistake or wondered why he or she repeatedly failed to understand the situation, the salient question to ask is: why date or even marry a clone of a past partner, husband or wife if it is avoidable? Without doubt, we want to do things differently and avoid a repeat of past mistake.
First, there is no easy answer.
Most people who have this challenge often want an instant fix to their problems. Prayer is the obvious solution for God to grant us His peace on the issue. Frequently, repetitive attraction to men and women with same traits is the root cause of the refusal to changes. This would demand diligent work. Change is difficult. No one said that it will be easy.
Second, God has given you wisdom use it.
“If it’s predictable, it’s preventable.” Try to explore your life for patterns and apply wisdom to where you are failing. Wisdom is a gifts from God. In the book of proverbs, the word of God says: “When wisdom enters thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto your soul, discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee. Proverbs 2: 10-11 (NKJV) God promised to generously give us wisdom, if we ask for it. (James 1: 5) A substantial number of us don’t ask. We struggle due to lack of knowledge. But, with wisdom, we will not lack the courage to make the best choice.
Third, identify your troubling patterns of behaviour.
Behavioural patterns that repeats itself hideaway unnoticed. If you find yourself often attracted to detached, unavailable men or women, ask why? You could be surferring from self-esteem issues. If detached men are those you attract, probably you fear playing in a “higher level.” and ready to settle for less because it is deserved. With the help of an expert Christian counsellor, the behaviour patterns that are hindering relationship or a happy marriage in your life, can be unravelled.
Fourth, set clear goals for behaviour change and agree to be accountable to someone for those changes.
Mapping out change strategies are crucial solutions to behavioural patterns. Understanding our patterns of behaviour sets out on a new course of change. Such new course will help you to determine where to meet “available” men, how to attract emotionally and spiritually men ready for a relationship. To map out such course for change may require a Christian counsellor or coach.
In her book, Are You Really Ready for Love? Dr. Hawkins explored “how many believe they are ready for love when, in fact, they sabotage those efforts in many ways” The book’ title: Are you really ready for love?, holds an apt question that for those desiring behaviour changes. So, learn all you can about co-dependent behaviour.
While we desire and pray for change, we cannot afford not to create a long-range plan for it. You must avoid taking shortcuts in your approach. It won’t work. Moreover, it doesn’t last. Following these four advices can help you make lasting change in your troubling behaviour patterns and help you find and maintain healthy relationships
Sonny A.Samuel is a writer, author and publisher