10 Questions to Ask Him BEFORE Getting in a Relationship | Christian Perspective

hey guys welcome back to my channel or welcome to my channel if you’re if you’re new hi my name is nastasia and um today i’m talking about doing kind of one of those fun little sit-down videos and i’m doing 10 things or 10 questions i should say um that you need to ask either yourself or the person you’re dating before you get in a relationship so i thought this was i thought this was a good video because so many of you guys request more like kind of dating relationship advice type videos and this is something that it really took me back to when i started dating kai my husband and some of the things that i asked him and it was just i think it was so important to keep in mind so if you end up liking this video give it a big thumbs up don’t forget to subscribe to my channel so you never miss out on a video every time i post my instagram is right here so you can see the behind the scenes of my life and um yeah let’s get into it so the first thing and i believe the most important thing oh and this is from a christian perspective i know you saw that in the title but christian perspective so if you’re not a christian you’re probably not going to agree with a lot of these but this is just from my perspective all right and the first one is to ask him about his testimony and his current relationship with jesus and what that looks like um that’s usually the very first thing i ask somebody before i even go on a date with them so like if like somebody asked me on a date or something and we were like texting first or whatever i would say well sure i’d be interested in that but i need to know what your relationship with jesus looks like for like what it looks like right now and some people would think wow that’s so strong it comes down so strong okay well for me there’s no point of me going if they don’t have a relationship with jesus because it’s not gonna work it’s the most important thing in my life so if it’s not the most important thing in his life the relationship isn’t gonna work out um so that’s why i say that and that’s not to say that they have to have all the perfect answers or anything actually far from it usually it happens to be the most humble and the most kind men are the ones who say like i don’t deserve any of god’s grace i don’t know why he wanted me but he did and i want to spend the rest of my life worshiping him you know stuff like that like it’s not like they have to have all of the answers lined up and just knowing his testimony says a lot too and like how he got saved and all that stuff so that’s the first thing number two what does his relationship with his parents look like especially his mom um so the reason i ask this it or observe this i i should say this is kind of more of an observation like you can ask them you know what how how is it with your parents whatever um but you really don’t know until you see so if you have a chance to see that’s really important but especially his mom because how he treats his mom is almost always reflective of how he would treat a girl in a relationship so if he treats her with a lot of honor and respect and love and kindness i’m not saying perfection again just like you know a loving son and that says a lot um and again there’s always those times where you know maybe he doesn’t even have a relationship with his mom maybe it’s a strange situation i get that like um i have that with certain family members so i understand but you know for the most part like being able to observe that ask questions stuff like that number three what do his boundaries look like when it comes to intimacy so um if you’re trying to save here before marriage um which is you know was my goal and that’s what the bible lays out as what is honoring to the lord so i would say as a christian that is what you should be like aiming for um so it’s important to ask him you know what are your kind of boundaries there and i’m not saying you have to do all this on the like first date i’m saying before a relationship because most of the time people date a little bit for like a couple weeks or a couple months or something before they get into a relationship and so that’s what i’m saying like this dating process is all for like questions and learning and stuff before you actually commit to a relationship in my opinion not only seeing if he has the like similar boundaries to you but does he respect yours like maybe this wasn’t personally me but i know people who they didn’t even want to kiss until they were engaged okay so if that’s the case and that wasn’t originally his boundary is he willing to respect you enough to hold that boundary for you like that is important so learning those things asking those questions after a few days that should not be a weird thing honestly after a few days when you start getting to know each other more and more if he thinks that’s a weird question that might be a red flag number four when was his last relationship and why did it end there’s a chance that maybe you are his first relationship and that i honestly that makes it easier for you in my opinion um but it’s so important i think to ask those questions again not necessarily the first date i think that could be a little weird like so tell me about your ex like you know what i mean but knowing like asking those questions of okay when was that um and why did it end because you know if it was something like him cheating on her or something that’s a red flag or or if she cheated on him i’m not saying that’s a total red flag because you know you can’t help what happens to you like that but it might show you that he might have trust issues at first and stuff like that so i think it’s super important to know um or if it was like he was immature or something like that and it also matters how he handles telling you that like if he’s like yeah i was completely immature i shouldn’t have done it that way um that says something you know people change and stuff like that but it’s very important i think to know and um especially i mean to me i’m so nosy i would ask for all the past relationships and ask why and how they ended and stuff like that but anyway number five this is kind of i didn’t know how to describe this but other than just saying politics like talking politics if that matters to you but also i thought about and i was like you know it’s not just politics it’s moral issues in general like social issues like where do they stand on things like um like a big one to me the most important social issue moral issue political issue to me would be pro-life like being against abortion because that is very very very important to me um so making sure that certain things align the way that it wouldn’t cause conflict in the future i’m not saying you have to be completely the same on everything but if politics are important to you i mean they’re important to me i literally got my degree in politics so they’re obviously important to me that i asked kai about politics on the second date i was like all right we were bowling i was like so tell me about politics and he’s like oh no um but no and it worked out great and stuff and we have the literally the exact same opinions on like i don’t even know if there’s one we have a different opinion on but i’m not saying again that has to be perfect but it’s definitely something to consider even if you’re not into politics but you’re very like there are moral issues that are biblical that happen to also be involved in politics and social reforms and stuff like that um but they they just they are the same and so you you have to know like with somebody if they stand on the bible and they stand for the bible but then that does not reflect how they stand for other social things or whatever then that should be kind of a red flag to you as a christian so i think it’s definitely good to talk about number six this is more of an observation but you could also ask um is he friends with his exes so i’m actually gonna do a video on this at some point of like can you be friends with your exes um this is up to you kind of thing like it might not bother you at all but i have noticed from me and i guess for kai and i just in general we we are not friends with any of our exes at all we are not in contact with them nothing like that um we know how not that we have any interest in being with anybody else or cheating or anything but we know how slippery that slope is and not to mention like there’s a past there there is you know even if you don’t have feelings anymore it could complicate things it’s just not in my opinion it’s not worth it now i have friends who are friends with their exes and it doesn’t seem to be an issue i don’t know how they do it but one way or another it’s good for you to know whether you agree with it or not agree it’s good for you to know so so that you’re not in some uncomfortable situation where they’re like introducing you to their ex and you have to be totally cool with it like it’s just good to know number six this is more of an observation but you could also ask um is he friends with his exes so i’m actually gonna do a video on this at some point of like can you be friends with your exes um this is up to you kind of thing like it might not bother you at all but i have noticed from me and i guess for kai and i just in general we we are not friends with any of our exes at all we are not in contact with them nothing like that um we know how not that we have any interest in being with anybody else or cheating or anything but we know how slippery that slope is and not to mention like there’s a past there there is you know even if you don’t have feelings anymore it could complicate things it’s just not in my opinion it’s not worth it now i have friends who are friends with their exes and it doesn’t seem to be an issue i don’t know how they do it but one way or another it’s good for you to know whether you agree with it or not agree it’s good for you to know so so that you’re not in some uncomfortable situation where they’re like introducing you to their ex and you have to be totally cool with it like it’s just good to know number seven again this is kind of like a question you have to ask yourself and observe and maybe ask him a little bit but it is how seriously does he take his role as the spiritual leader because as a christian biblically speaking if you’re following the bible the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader in your relationship so if he again i keep saying i think i’ve said this like seven times it doesn’t mean perfection however it does mean leadership it doesn’t mean you dragging him to church or you dragging him and begging him to read his bible sure we all have down days and we need some encouragement but if that’s a habit that is a red flag and so asking yourself like how seriously does he take that role of leadership maybe observing like how he you know talks to you about jesus and um just like stuff like that just really check in on that because that is so important like i highly recommend you do not get into a relationship with somebody unless you are certain and very confident that they are a spiritual leader in your life um when i was actually dating kai like just dating not in a relationship yet that was the number one question my friends asked thank you god that i have friends that will ask that question they were like does he lead you spiritually is he a spiritual leader like that above anything else is what they asked and over and over i kept saying you know what so far yes but i’m looking into it more and more and over and over it was yes yes yes yes so super important and i can make a video more about what spiritual leadership in the man’s role looks like so that you know what to look for we just don’t have time right now all right number eight this is gonna be a little controversial it’s too important to not talk about though so here we go number eight is does he currently or has he in the past struggled with pornography that is a very important question to ask now you might not be as gung-ho by asking as i was i asked it on the first date like after probably two hours of talking to kai now i don’t know if i would have planned to but i truly felt the holy spirit pressing on me to ask him that um and it was just very important um for me with just guys i have dated in the past more often than not they did have current or past addictions to porn and i am not saying that that is a complete deal breaker i’m not for me though it would have been okay that is just that’s a me thing there are certain people who maybe they have dealt with alcoholism in their family so if somebody is super into drinking that would be a no for them like they couldn’t do it for me alcohol isn’t an issue so like that wouldn’t be so like you have different things you’re equipped to handle in a relationship if that makes sense so just because for me that was something god put on my heart that i was not to date somebody again with that issue does not mean that there is not redemption in that that god can’t heal from that like that so please don’t hear that that’s what i’m saying it is not always a deal breaker it just was for me um however i do think it’s very important and super heavy like i do think it’s a deal breaker if they currently have a struggle and they do not find a problem with it at all they don’t care they don’t see it as biblically wrong okay then that is a red flag to me that should be a red flag to you actually you should probably just get up and leave um but that’s just my opinion but like i don’t that’s not okay and i dated somebody like that and they’re just like sorry and they just didn’t care and they claim to be a very strong believer and it’s it’s the what makes it different is if somebody is struggling with something and they’re like i am working so hard to depend on the lord and to be redeemed from this and to turn my back on this sin that makes it a totally different story um but yeah i think it’s something very important to keep in mind and something that for years i never asked and i found out the hard way that almost all of them had issues with that i dated and it’s a good thing to know because i consider it i consider it cheating if somebody does that when i’m with them again might be different for you i feel like i’m going into ravager but if that’s something that you do consider cheating as well then you you need to talk to them about it and you need to ask where they’re at um again maybe not the first date but definitely before you get into a long-term relationship with them okay number nine does he have close friendships that are girls um obviously not related to him like not family but like a best friend that’s a girl again might not be a red flag for you might not be a deal breaker for you that’s fine kai and i have personally decided that we will not have close friends of the opposite sex that doesn’t mean we have we don’t talk to people of the opposite gender or anything like that but like let’s say i did have a friend who was of who was a guy and i was gonna go hang out with him kai would come with me like that is the boundary we have placed because we want to be so careful in protecting our relationship and our marriage and um our loyalty to each other and it’s just one of those things for me that i have seen friendships of the opposite gender most likely be the ones that end up being affairs um not always but i think it’s important to figure out oh your best friend is a girl okay that’s good for me to know is that something i feel god has equipped me to handle is that something i feel like is healthy for our relationship is it a flirty friendship or is it completely platonic is it you know would this person would this girl be threatened if i was the one always hanging out with them you know stuff like that because it’s not totally impossible like if for instance i had a really good friend that was a guy the way we would handle it is i would make sure that kai was always with me hanging out with that guy and if that guy had a problem with that and been like i just want to hang out with you alone i would say sorry dude my husband comes first it’s not happening so that’s how we handle things maybe it’s not how you do but either way i think it’s really important to know and the last the tenth thing that i think you really need to consider before getting into a relationship is observing how he’s pursuing you is he pursuing you is he a flake is he making sure that you have plans set up to see each other again is he you know being consistent and talking to you and showing you he cares and just really pursuing you biblically like that is so important before you kind of just like jump two feet in um i remember i was so careful at first when it came to kai because i was like heck no i am not getting hurt again or if i if i was i wanted to make sure that i was guarding my heart so i guess that means guarding your heart in a way um but the big thing being like you know is he afraid to tell you how he feels about you or is he open and vulnerable even if you don’t do it first you know is he open or vulnerable to be like i really like you i want to see you again can we get something on the books like that’s important or checking in and saying like good morning i hope you have a great day not making you like have to pine after him because it should be the man pursuing that doesn’t mean you never text him first or anything although my cousin i love this story my cousin when she was dating her now husband when they were dating years and years before um they she for like a solid year or two or something never texted him first never like ever like he texted her first every single time and um because she wanted to make sure he would pursue her and i mean some people might say that that’s so like over the top whatever i mean they laugh about it now they make fun of it now they think it’s hilarious now but actually i think it’s such a good thing and i took such a good lesson from that um because honestly even if i wasn’t texting kai first ever um it’s a little different another mary but when we were dating or something he should be the one to reach out he should be the one to check in and you know what i mean like he at one point he was literally like i don’t know how you feel at all can you please tell me something and i finally did and then he was super happy and all that but um just observing how he’s pursuing you and if he is not maybe back off like again i’m not saying you never text him first or never text him to good morning but he should be doing not only the majority like the vast majority of the making plans and pursuing and all that stuff so i hope you guys enjoyed this video let me know down below if you want a part two because i can totally do that i i asked kai so many questions i can totally make part two um but yeah i hope you guys enjoyed and i love you so much and i hope you have a great day bye guys [Music] you