Should CHRISTIANS Do ONLINE DATING? | 2 Things To Consider

hey guys welcome back to my channel in this video I’m going to be talking about Christian dating now I’ve never really talked about my dating life online before and I do think that when it comes to talking about our dating experiences because there are experiences that involve other people I do think it’s wise to just use discernment in what we share and why we share it but I had something happen to me as it pertains to this topic that really just brought me personally a lot of clarity when it comes to this question of should Christians do online dating and so that is why I’m choosing to share what I’m sharing in today’s video and hopes that if you are also working through this question that it could provide you clarity as well but just know that everything I’m going to share has been thought through and prayed through another thing I want to say is that anytime we talk about dating specifically Christian dating is that this is not an issue that the Bible addresses specifically now the bible does provide general principles of wisdom that can be applied to dating and that’s what I hope to do in today’s video but just know that anytime you hear me or anyone else talk on this topic that it is also going to involve some level of opinion simply because the Bible does not address this specifically so just keep that in mind but enough disclaimers let’s get to the normal stuff if you are new to my channel and I am so happy to have you here and if your returning welcome back if you haven’t yet please don’t forget to hit that subscribe button and also top the notification valve so you don’t miss any future videos I do all sorts of faith and lifestyle videos I also wanted to mention that I will be doing a very special giveaway at the end of today’s video so make sure you stay tuned for that now before I share my experience on this topic I wanted to give some context to just this topic as a whole so I think that when we ask the question should Christians do online dating that really that is a smaller question inside of a bigger question and the bigger question is when it comes to wanting to meet someone should I be waiting on God or should I be taking initiative and I actually did an entire video on this topic but simply put I think the answer to that question is that biblically God brings about marriages through both if you’d like to hear me unpack that more and go into the specific Bible stories that answer that question then this right here would be a good video for you to watch but as for now the cliffnotes version is that on the one hand you’ve got someone like Ruth Ruth definitely is proactive when it comes to finding a husband she really puts herself out there in a bowl whay and what she does is even considered scandalous in the time that she lives in but on the other hand you’ve got someone like Isaac and Isaac is someone whose approach we would definitely classify as more of waiting on God God completely orchestrates literally bringing his wife to him and there’s really nothing that Isaac does in that process but both of these stories lead to marriage and both of these marriages ultimately bring about children through whom the line of Jesus comes so I think it’s safe to say that both marriages are blessed and ordained by God so I don’t think the question is actually what is the right way to go about meeting someone I think the question is actually what is your heart motivation in choosing that particular approach are you doing it because you’ve sought God prayerfully and because you believe that he could be calling you to step outside your comfort zone in this way or to take that step of faith or are you doing it because you feel like you just always need to be talking to someone or you’re looking for that constant validation or because you’re just tired of waiting on God and you feel like he’s not moving he’s being passive and so you’re just gonna take it into your own hands and make this happen on your own those are two very different motivations and so the first question you need to ask yourself is what is my motivation in this the second question you need to ask yourself is what is needed for me some people would say that if you do anything to try to be proactive in any sort of way that that is you taking control and that is you not trusting God and to that I say baloney all throughout the Bible we see examples of God asking his people to take steps of faith in some area before he moves and oftentimes it is actually their obedience to take those steps of faith that God is asking them to take that activates the plan that God had for them all along and for some people watching this video that maybe what you need to do if there is a lot of fear surrounding dating for you and it is something that scares you and you don’t want to go on dates or put yourself out there and guy who’s been putting it on your heart to put yourself out there in some way then a step forward in faith maybe what he’s calling you to do and this doesn’t just mean that maybe he’s asking you to try out online dating maybe he has been putting it on your heart to get more involved in church to get plugged in into immunity to serve in some way and you’ve just been nervous to put yourself out there that may be the step of faith that God’s calling you to take that will actually activate this plan for your life in the area of a relationship or simply to just grow you in some other way on the other side the other thing that Christian singles tend to hear is there tends to be this pressure that you are not doing enough that you know you need to be putting yourself out there more that you should be going to all these different young adults groups and if you spend one Friday night at home watching Netflix then how do you expect to meet someone but I just want to say that if you are a person who is seeking out God in your day to day life if you are being obedient and the small and the big ways that he’s speaking to you if you’re plugged into a church community if you’re serving in some way and if you’re open to going on dates here and there to maybe even being set up that you do not need to live in this paralyzed fear that you’re not doing enough here is where I want to share my experience so when it comes to online dating I honestly it was just one of those things that I never really had a huge interest in trying it’s not that I thought it was bad I knew plenty of people who were doing it I just never really had a huge draw toward trying it out but a little over a year ago I got to a place where in that season I felt like it would be wise for me to try to be a little bit more proactive in my dating life here’s what I mean up until that point I had always sort of just gone on dates as I was asked by people in my community circles or as friends who I trusted would set me up and I actually feel like I was going on dates fairly often it was just sporadic and again there was nothing I was really doing to be proactive in that but I felt like in that season I should try to be a bit more proactive and also at the time I had several close friends who were trying out online dating some of them were just going on dates for others it had led to relationships that were even on the track toward marriage and so I just thought you know what why not try this thing out and so I did and here is where the story gets crazy the very first person I matched with was someone who had actually already got on a handful of dates with in real life and this is someone I met in real life he is actually a member of a church just a couple cities over and we happen to meet completely organically the second person I matched with was also someone I had already gone online or two dates with and this is someone who a friend of mine had set me up with the third person I matched with was someone I had not already met in a real life but we met via the app a message back and forth a couple times it had never really gone anywhere but then about a month later there was someone who I had gone to college with and she reached out to me then hey this is something I’ve been thinking about but I was curious to know if you’d be interested in me setting you up with my husband’s best friend and so we get to talking and she’s telling me about him and ends up sending me a picture and when she does I realized this was the same guy I had already met on the app a month prior like how crazy is that what are the chances of something like that happening the first two people I match with on this app are people I had already met in real life the third person was somebody I had not already met in real life but ended up getting introduced to in real life a month after the fact and as weird as that was I honestly and truly in my heart believe that God used that experience to just show me so clearly you do not need to be stressed out about whether or not you should be doing online dating or whether or not you should be visiting different churches or if you’re doing too much or not doing enough if you are being obedient to me and doing the things I’m asking you to do and serving in the ways that I’m asking you to serve and stepping out when I tell you to step out I am more than capable of bringing the right person into your life with or without those things with or without you doing online dating or visiting different churches or whatever the case may be and so to the question should Christians do online dating my answer is that I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it I think that it is the tool God uses to write beautiful love stories but the key word there is that it is a tool God is not confined by it and God is not limited to it it’s not like God has this amazing husband for you but oh you never downloaded hinge so sorry you’re never going to meet him or it’s not like God has this great plan for your marriage but you didn’t go on a wild goose chase visiting every young adult group in the city you live in so sorry you’re never gonna get married no that is not how God works if God wants someone in your life nothing will stop him from making that happen he is so much bigger than these boxes that we put him in of thinking well there’s nobody I’m going to meet in my workplace or nobody I’m gonna meet in my charger nobody I’m gonna meet in this area of my life he is so much bigger than we can and he can work in crazy ways to bring the right people into our life at the right time he knows what he’s doing in every single detail of our lives and so I don’t think our primary focus should be so much on frantically trying to figure out what we should or shouldn’t be doing but our primary focus should be on seeking God and obeying when he speaks and obedience might mean downloading a dating app obedience might mean stepping up to serve in some new way in your church obedience might mean making some sort of big change or move in your life or obedience might mean staying put the point is that through our obedience God brings about his plan for our lives so is it bad to pursue online dating is it bad to check out other young adult groups in the city you live in no just make sure that anything you’re doing is being done in faith Romans 14:23 says that whatever does not proceed from faith is sin and the context of this passage is actually talking about food so there had been certain foods that were considered unclean but now they are all considered clean and so for the early Christians there’s a lot of confusion as they’re sort of trying to figure this out and Paul writes to them saying look God has made all foods clean but there’s a couple caveats if you are eating food that causes your brother to stumble well then that eating is not being done in love the second thing he says is that if you are eating and your conscience has no room to judge you for your actions then blessed are you but if you are eating in there some doubt in your heart as to whether or not it is right well then you’re not eating from faith and anything that does not proceed from faith is sin and so if you totally feel like online dating could be a great option for you and you feel like your motivations are in the right place and I would say go for it but if you are questioning that you think that it’s something you’re trying to do because you just don’t trust God in this area and you don’t feel settled about doing it in your heart then I would maybe pause and just explore that a little bit more online dating is a tool that God can use and a good question to ask yourself is is this a tool that God wants to use in my life right now but also know that even if you feel like it’s a tool God wants to use in your life that his purpose and using it may or may not be marriage I have friends who pursuit online dating in faith and they went on several dates but ultimately it didn’t lead anywhere but God used it in their lives to maybe help them work through different fears that ultimately prepare them for meeting their spouse in some other way I have other who also pursuit online dating in faith and it led them to marriage and they are now in beautiful God honoring marriages as a result of it for me I sort of just came to the conclusion that it wasn’t really the best fit as for how I really get to know someone but that doesn’t mean that God didn’t use it to grow me because he did and it also doesn’t mean that I would never try it again if God put it on my heart and so for you if you were trying to figure out if this is something you should try I would just encourage you to ask those two questions one what is my motivation and wanting to try this and – is this a tool that God is wanting to use in my life right now as you work through those questions I would encourage you to maybe invite someone into that conversation who is a little bit older than you who is a godly person who knows you well who can speak into and help you work through those two questions even as we look at the life of Ruth and how she took these really proactive steps and put herself out there to eventually end up married to Boaz she did all of those things at the direction of Naomi Naomi was her mother-in-law from her previous marriage and she was an older wives godly woman who had the best interest of Ruth at heart and who is also instructing her in a godly way and so I think that can be a really helpful option if you’re trying to figure out if this is the right step for you one final thing the giveaway almost two years ago now I wrote a devotional for singles and this is for anyone who is waiting on God in that area maybe you are watching all your friends get married and wondering when it will ever be your turn I think for me I have had seasons where I’ve been more content in this area than others right now I’m in a place where my life just feels really full of good things I have a lot of things I’m just excited about excited to be pursuing and I think I’m in a place right now where I just have more trust that those other things are going to happen as they’re meant to and in God’s timing but there have been plenty of other seasons where I have not been content in this area and I will just say that contentment I don’t think it’s something that we ever arrived I don’t think that it is a final destination I think that it abs and it flows but it’s something that we can be taking steps towards daily and trying to choose daily but there have definitely been times where I have not been as content in this area and this devotional was written out of those times and those longings and really just how God spoke into those and what he taught me and how he to me through the process and so I’ll have that linked below if you want to check it out but I’m also giving away three copies in this video and so if you want to enter to win that all you have to do is one make sure you’re subscribed to my channel give this video a thumbs up and then comment below but just make sure you also include the hashtag it’s still single devotional in your comment so I know that you are in fact entering I will be selecting the three winners one week after this video gets posted thank you so much for watching this video I truly hope that it was helpful to you that it encouraged you and just brought you clarity in this area if you did enjoy watching this video please give it a thumbs up that really does help to support my channel and I would love also if you could share this with a friend who you think would benefit from it thank you so much for watching this video and I’ll see you next time bite [Music]