How Far Is TOO FAR Before MARRIAGE | Intimacy in Christian Dating

today we’re talking about boundaries you might have thought about them you might have neglected them or you might be unsure about them but today we’re going to answer the question how far is too far before marriage and how you can enjoy your dating relationship without falling into sin [Music] welcome back to faith talks where we talk faith on this channel we answer tough questions that millennials are asking about christianity faith and religion my name is emmanuel and if you’re new to this channel hit that subscribe button and click that notification bell so that you don’t miss any of the popular ones if you’re in a relationship or you want to be in a relationship or have been in one before you’ve probably asked the question how far is too far before marriage you know what we’re talking about you you know what we’re talking about now this is important because if you’re in a relationship with someone that you just love so much you find them so attractive and you just want to just want to enjoy them but you know as a christian sex outside of marriage is sin however there’s a lot that can take place before the point of full sex so how far is too far before marriage i think the first thing that’s important to understand is that dating is to prepare you for marriage so in the beginning in the beginning god created marriage and marriage is where we get all of the benefits of love of companionship of union and the hanky-panky and dayton is just not fat it’s just not dating is not meant to be like a b-tech version of marriage where you get all the perks of marriage but you don’t have the responsibility instead of saying how much of marriage can i get without the responsibility of it we should be asking how can i best set us up for a healthy and successful marriage and if we think about it that way we’ll understand how actually boundaries are not meant to just be restrictive but they’re meant to be liberating for healthy and beautiful marriage a lot of people have been dating for ages because they’re just comfortable like they’re enjoying the perks of a relationship without the responsibility that comes with marriage and that’s why a lot of people are not moving forward but that’s not what god wants for us now if the person that you’re with is not on the same page with you in terms of values and in terms of dating preparing you for marriage then you might need to have some difficult conversations with them and the thing is i’ve been in a few relationships where i genuinely believed it was heading to marriage and they ended for various reasons and in those relationships i was like you know what these boundaries they’re a bit difficult but i love the person we’re gonna get married so it’s okay we didn’t get married so now i have the regret of certain things that we did in our relationship at the time which i know that we shouldn’t have and for a long time that put me off of relationships because i didn’t feel like i could trust myself so guys remember you’re not married until you’re married and so you’ve got to draw the line well before full on sex sex is reserved for marriage and i explained this in more detail than the previous video but also sexual activity and sexual thinking is reserved for marriage matthew 5 from verse 27 onwards tells us where jesus says that if you look at a woman with lust then you’ve committed adultery in your heart so don’t think that just because you haven’t inserted the floppy disk into the drive that it’s okay no my friend we’ve got to set our boundaries much earlier to even prevent sexual thoughts and sexual temptation about somebody that we’re not married to i don’t know what that means for you but at least if you have that in mind you can go about having the necessary conversations to set the appropriate boundaries now this is easier when you manage the situations that you expose yourself to boundaries are easier to maintain in broad daylight than they are when you’re alone in your boyfriend’s uni accommodation at two o’clock in the morning or when you’re on a long car drive with your partner and it’s just the two of you yeah yeah can be a bit difficult a good rule of thumb in my opinion is that if you wouldn’t do this thing or talk about this thing in front of your friends your family and your church then you probably shouldn’t be doing now for me personally that does include intimate kissing so that’s a conversation you might have to have the reason for that is when it comes to sexual activity when you get started it’s so hard to stop sexual attraction is good and it’s god-given you know we read verses in the bible for example proverbs where god tells a man to enjoy sexual pleasure with his wife and this is why we call god a good gift giver because god gifts us with the beauty that it sets god gave us sex to enjoy in its context there’s an old song where the singer you know says in the hook or the chorus that the sex is so good girl you’re going to think i invented sex no trey songs that weren’t you it was god and sexual attraction grows the more that you feed it so intimate touching can lead to intimate kissing an intimate kissing can lead to it’s like the slip road on the motorway once you get on it you’re not meant to turn back you’re meant to zoom all the way like full speed onto the motorway foreplay and sexual activity is exactly the same so if you keep on playing around and going close to the edge you’re going to find yourself a venturary in a cycle of falling into sin confessing repenting the strongest man in the world samson the wisest man in the world solomon and the man after god’s own heart david all fell to sexual sin so we need to humble ourselves to know that if we play with a fire it’s very likely we’re gonna get burned so set boundaries far from the tipping point and it may be personal to you as well like for you it may be how you passionately hold each other’s hands or passionately hug that just sets you off and you know what don’t be embarrassed to set appropriate boundaries for what you need to prevent yourself from lustful thoughts and sexual activity have the conversation with the person that you’re with you may be wondering as well like ah if we don’t kiss or if we don’t do certain things and how we’re gonna know if they’re a good kisser when we get married well listen two things one learn you can learn these things when you get married and the second thing is if that’s a deal breaker for you you actually don’t love the person like if them being a bad kisser is a reason for you to not marry them you’re trash again like important to stress the real question we should be asking is how close can we get to jesus the bible tells us in first corinthians 6 flee sexual immorality so what what honors god is when we say how close to god’s will can i get instead of saying how far can i go before god gets mad at me when you see boundaries as a way to honor jesus and not just as restriction then your approach to them is completely different and you get to enjoy the benefits of a day in relationship in god’s way instead of running in cycles of sin confession repentance and trying hard growing in non-physical intimacy is actually lit like it’s such a good thing because it keeps you creative you know and also you get to really learn each other instead of just netflix and chill you actually get to know like what each other likes and what each other has to offer more than what you can offer in a bedroom and it’s also actually possible like this is the thing i’m tired of the idea that christians are bound to falling into sexual sin when they when they start dating it’s just not true i know loads of married couples that were able to abstain from sexual sin whilst dating and their marriages are better for it so of course like a lot of people have fallen into sexual sin in their relationship and that can bring on a lot of shame like i’ve noticed when couples fall into sexual sin what usually tends to happen is the man starts to question his ability as a leader he’ll be thinking can i really step up and be the man that this woman deserves like can i lead her and the women tend to start feeling really insecure about themselves and questioning how does he see me like does he think i’m easy does he just want me for my body and there’s a lot of shame that come and this is not good it can damage relationships seriously but we don’t need to walk in that shame the bible tells us that if we confess our sins jesus is just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness so believe that god can forgive your sexual sin and god also gives us his holy spirit to fight the good fight that we don’t have to fight alone so if you’ve struggled in this area you don’t have to struggle anymore you can turn it around like have the conversation set healthy boundaries and trust in god to give you the strength to endure have the necessary conversations with your partner you know and be honest and bring in accountability like people who are close to you that genuinely want to see you win of course it can be difficult but if the same spirit that raised christ jesus from the dead lives in you then you can do it that’s all from me i hope this video blessed you share it with somebody that you know will be blessed by it as well like this video if you liked it subscribe to the channel for more videos that help you grow in your knowledge and your love for jesus and until next time my g’s peace and blessings man