8 Steps to Take When You Like an Unbeliever: Should a Christian Date a Non-Christian?

in this video I’m gonna give you eight steps that you can take if you’re a Christian who’s starting to have feelings for an unbeliever hey everyone I’m mark from apply God’s Word calm a place where we apply the Bible to your life if you’re new to this channel consider subscribing we’re making brand new videos every single week all about Christian singleness relationships marriage how to know your calling and really any question that you have I try to offer a biblical perspective so the first way that I believe you should respond if you’re starting to have feelings for someone who doesn’t believe in God but you’re a Christian is that you’re gonna want to resolve in your heart to put God first no matter what whatever you do you have to make sure that you’ve settled it in your heart that you’re not going to choose a relationship over Jesus Christ that’s step one within that idea I believe it’s wise and really important that you also settle in your heart what you believe the Bible actually says about dating a non-believer and marrying a non-believer I’m not going to go into that topic in depth in this video because I’ve done that multiple times on other videos which I can leave a link to that playlist in the description of this video but in short I believe the Bible is extremely clear that Christians are not to marry non-believers it clearly expresses that in 1st Corinthians 7 verse 39 and also in multiple other places like 2nd Corinthians 6 where it says do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever because of that verse I also believe dating a non-believer is unbiblical because you’re being yoked together through dating even though it’s not as big of a bond as Christian marriage however I believe that that’s something that god forbids some people don’t believe that about the dating side and some people don’t even believe that about the marriage side and I’ve studied it I feel like it’s pretty clear but whatever you decide you have to make sure your answer is firmly rooted in Scripture and not just something that you’re making up on your own the second step I would encourage you to take is to commit to not missionary date this person missionary dating is a term that many Christians use where they’re using a relationship as a way of being a light to a non-believer and so they say well I really like this person they don’t know Jesus aren’t Christians supposed to be a light to the world if they don’t know Christ and yes they are but again we can’t contradict other parts of Scripture like being unequally yoked I have a whole other video in that playlist I mentioned and it’s all about missionary dating in essence the big reason I don’t believe in missionary dating again is because it’s you’re unequally yoked but number two it’s a really terrible foundation to start a relationship on it’s like trying to change someone like you’re not just getting in a relationship because you really like them and you want to grow together you’re specifically trying to change them you’re saying I don’t like the way you are I want you to change and I’m gonna use this relationship to change who you are and that’s just really not a foundation for a healthy relationship if you’re a Christian you should be joined to another Christian and yeah you want to help each other grow and build each other up but you shouldn’t look at someone and say wow I like you but I want you to totally change who you are and therefore I’m going to try to manipulate everything to make you into someone I want you to be even though you’re not that person right now again that’s manipulative it’s not a good foundation to build on and I believe just being in that relationship in general is unbiblical point three is to assume in your heart that this relationship is not going to work out romantically and that this person is not the one the reason I say that you should start there and you should assume that this person is not going to become a Christian one day and you’re not going to date and then you’re not gonna you know have this great relationship that ends up in marriage is because sumption should be based on probability if you’re assuming something that’s very unlikely to happen this is unwise because that assumption again is probably not going to happen so you know when you when you’re saying I think that this person can become a Christian one day then will become boyfriend and girlfriend and then that will progress into marriage all of those steps happening are extremely unlikely is it okay to be open to that idea if those steps did happen yeah I’ll talk about that later in this video I think it’s okay to be open to that idea maybe to even say man I wish that would happen I really like this person and they are great qualities you know to be open to that idea if it happened sure go for it but to actually assume that it will happen and to arrange your life around this this thing that’s not reality and is very unlikely to become reality is extremely unwise and it’s not going to help you guard your heart as you interact with this person so in the rest of this video I’m gonna tell you some things that you can do so far we’ve been talking about what you shouldn’t do I want to tell you what you can do but point-three is like the the way you can guard your heart when you’re doing these other things so so all this to say like the ways that you can witness to this person I don’t think you should do that just because you really want to date them I think you should be a witness to this person who doesn’t know Christ because we’re supposed to be a witness to the lost world and help people who don’t know Jesus Christ and that’s fine to do that’s good to do but this assuming that it’s not gonna work and assuming that this isn’t the person God has for you is wise again for a few reasons because a it’s probably not like you’re gonna marry one person you’re gonna meet thousands of people that you could marry but you’re not going to marry so again statistically it’s just a good assumption to make and secondly as you’re interacting as you’re maybe building a friendship or inviting this person to your Christian community having that assumption in your heart will help you guard your heart not go down a road that you you shouldn’t be going down with a non-believer now let’s say hey it all works out yet your assumption was wrong this person really becomes a Christian they love God they’re growing they become your husband or wife one day hey you can be pleasantly surprised your assumption doesn’t mean that it can never happen but again it’s just a good way to guard your heart the fourth thing that you can do when you have feelings for an unbeliever is to be a light to this person by not dating them so you can actually show this person the love of Christ and show this person what it means to be a follower of Christ by obeying God’s Word even when it’s difficult so to me another reason missionary dating is a bad idea is because it just seems totally contradictory so you’re saying I want this person to become a Christian and obey God’s Word and to do that I’m going to contradict God’s Word by becoming unequally yoked and not obeying God hoping that this person one day obeys God because I’m being a witness to them you know so you see how that to me doesn’t really make sense by be by not dating this person by putting Jesus Christ above this relationship you’re actually going to be a light to this person in the process you’re not going to have the relationship you want but that does a lot to someone who isn’t following Jesus when they see that you’re willing to sacrifice for God that you’re willing to do hard things when they probably know that you like them but you’re not going to date them because it goes against your beliefs and your passion for God that’s gonna be a huge witness to that person and it’s the one of the best ways that you can be a light to this person that you have feelings for the fifth step that you can take when you have feelings for a non-believer is to witness to them by bringing them into your Christian community rather than joining them in their a non-christian community so the way that you go about interacting with the world will will determine if you’re gonna get pull down or you’re gonna help non-believers get pulled up it’s extremely easy to have good intentions but to get so close to evil and worldliness and things that you know a non-christian is doing and then get dragged down yourself so one helpful way to be a witness to non-believers is to not isolate yourself and surround yourself with a with a lot of people who don’t know God as a way of witnessing rather if you are building a relationship with a non-christian friend it’s wiser to take that person out of their secular non-christian community and bring them into your Christian community where that person can then see other Christians besides just you it’s also really helpful because if this person really is going to become a Christian and they’re gonna start maturing in the Lord they’re going to need people of the same gender to help them grow you can’t be their main discipleship partner if you guys have feelings for each other you’re of the opposite gender this person needs a community of Christians if they’re actually going to become a Christian so those are a few reasons is it’s really wise to be strategic and don’t just go to the bar go to the club go to the non-christian party under the under the assumption of hey I’m going to be a light for the world that’s unwise you’re going to get pulled down like that it says for example in Galatians 6 verse 1 it says brothers if anyone is caught in any transgression you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness but keep watch on yourself lest you to be tempted so right there Paul says yes go and try to help people who are stuck in the world but be careful that you’re not also pulled down by the temptations that they’re struggling with or for example it says in 1st Corinthians 15:33 it says do not be to see bad company ruins good morals bad company corrupts good character as it says in the NIV translation so just be wise and one way that you can be wise is by using your Christian community to also be a light to this person the sixth way that you can help this person that you like who’s a non-believer is to serve them in friendship in group settings so just as I talked about the importance of a Christian community a group setting is going to help you out a lot because if you have feelings for someone and then you’re spending a lot of one on one on one time with that person you’re going to like that person more you’re not going to be guarding your heart well if you’re always spending one-on-one time with this person basically saying that you’re just friends but acting like your boyfriend and girlfriend but you just don’t want the title that’s really unwise and you’re going to progress down that line of having more and more feelings for this person which again is something you want to avoid you want to serve this person be a light to this person but you don’t want to be so tempted and start liking this person more and more where you’re gonna actually you know start dating them and turn your back on God for this relationship the seventh step that you should take when you have feelings for an unbeliever and you’re trying to be a witness to this person is to be honest about your feelings and if you’re getting pulled down and you’re liking this person more and more you know you’re gonna need to put up bigger boundaries all the things that I’ve talked about so far I think are helpful and wise but you also have to be honest about your ability to maintain your emotions and to not get sucked into a relationship that you know God is leading you not to have so if you’re if you’re not being honest and you just let yourself go it’s gonna end badly you have to be honest and say am i spiritually mature enough am i relationally mature enough do I like this person too much are my feelings just out of control if you’re saying yes to those questions then you need to take a step back and put up bigger boundaries and realize this is not working what I’m trying to do I need to be careful and put my walk with God above this relationship I have another video called how to guard your heart when you like someone you know is not good for you so I’ll leave a link for that in the description below it will offer you some helpful details on this idea of putting up bigger boundaries and the last thing the eighth step that you can take if you like a non-believer is hey if they become a Christian they start bearing the fruits of the spirit you should be open to getting into a relationship with this person now again that’s a lot of steps that need to happen before I would recommend being open to being in a relationship with this person but I don’t think it would be wrong if a non-believer genuinely became a Christian and they weren’t just saying they were a Christian so that you two could date they really put their faith in Jesus Christ they really repented of their sins and then most importantly they were actually displaying the fruits of the Spirit and they were actually showing that not only are they professing with their mouth that Jesus is Lord but that the way they live their life is evidence of the salvation they received then I think hey be open to the possibility of dating this person if you enjoyed this video don’t forget to subscribe again we’re making new videos every single week by subscribing to this channel you won’t miss any of this new content that’s always coming out on a weekly basis and don’t forget to check out the links and the resources I’ll leave in the description below so that you can keep learning thanks so much for watching and God bless