7 Tips for Christian Dating

what’s up guys Natan Sutton back with another video and today we are talking about how to date as a Christian this topic has a lot of info like we got to squeeze it all into one video such an important topic if you even if you’re single if you’re in a relationship if you’re engaged if you’re married we can all learn how to date better yeah even if you’re married you still want to be dating the person that you’re married to so this is relevant to everybody absolutely and strong relationships are the foundation of a lot of things in life so it’s important that you do the dating right first of all let’s do a little evaluation of our dating life do you think when we were dating you think we did it well some parts yes and some no there are things that I think should have been better and who should have done better me yes yeah I actually admit that I I don’t think I was the best dater and I think that caused a little bit of frustration in our relationship and it for sure caused me a lot of frustration from other people that I dated because they were horrible they could watch this yeah they better anyways so there’s so much frustration around dating so let’s get it right what’s the sad thing dating you’re supposed to be fun and exciting and not frustrating I know and so let’s let’s get back to the basics how do we do this thing the longing to pair off with somebody is a good thing I think God designed us to be that way you know we want companions we want partners Adam felt that he wanted a partner and so God created animals for him to spend his time with and have somebody to be with but Adams like this is cool at all you know like hanging out with rhinos but I would rather have someone more like me that I could talk to so then God created Eve and Adams response was at last at last I know if I was hanging out with rhinos and you came along I’d probably say at last bye hallelujah yeah you know back then with Adam and Eve it was easy Adam just woke up and here comes his wife there she is make it naked out of all things how much easier could it be but you know in today’s day and age it’s much more difficult because we hit puberty around 13 and a lot of us don’t get married until in our 20s and sometimes even in our 30s and sometimes and even beyond that so there’s this stage where it’s like I am on fire and burn and girl and I need a mate and I’m only 13 years old so it’s like how do we get from 13 to marriage that time span it makes it very difficult in our culture because you know back then people used to marry way younger so we in today’s culture it’s like we don’t really get married till later so how do you what is that in between stage like and the Bible it doesn’t release talk about dating right yeah I’m aware of you don’t really see dating in the Bible so in this video our goal is to use principles from the Bible that God has given us to try to navigate this dating area very well so the most important thing to look for when you’re looking for someone a date as a Christian would be someone who is chasing the same cause as you which would be someone running towards Jesus because you’re running towards Jesus so you don’t want to be running towards Jesus and your major running off that way and you’re trying to drag them back with you you want to be running in the same direction absolutely and I have experienced this firsthand you know when you meet a girl or a boy or a guy whatever you may think that oh well they’re not a Christian but they make it yeah I can make okay I know they have a sweetheart they they’re a Christian they just don’t know it yet kind of thing it’s just crazy to see that when two people’s souls don’t align that it creates way more just tension and difficulty than you could ever imagine and drama every life is already so filled with so much drama that the partner that you pick should be drama-free because you guys need to be facing the drama of all the world together like they don’t need to be the one bringing you drama oh yeah there’s enough of that already yeah and as we’re going through this video just remember that you should not be looking for somebody to complete I mean a lot of you already know this it’s obvious to you but some of you this may be the first time you’re hearing this and it’s very important for you to know that another person is not going to complete your life your life is not going to become perfect when you meet the right person God is the one that completes you and once you have that foundation and the person that you’re dating has that foundation now you’re ready to come together and create an amazing beautiful life so for those of you that want to know how to date in this video we are gonna go through seven principles that is gonna teach you how to interact with one another how to love each other how Jesus calls us to and out of date number one is to date carefully so invite God into your dating process a lot of us enter into a relationships thinking what can I do to impress you like that’s the game is how can I you know make you think I’m cool or whatever but confidence in God takes out the desperation that comes with dating and the anxiety yes because if you’re confident in your relationship with God you don’t feel like you need this person like they’re gonna complete you like we were talking about before you know that you’re okay without them you’re just kind of testing the waters and seeing you know are they a good fit for you yeah dating prayerfully is so essential because what that means really is going into your dating life really just praying to God asking him for his guidance to direct your steps open the door that he wants it open to close the door if he wants it closed and to be open to both yeah open the Bursar’s don’t be attached to either one and when you do that it just it yeah like she said it takes away all the tension all the anxiety of trying to make this work because he’s so cute you know it really it’s and what’s so funny about that is we you hold that confidence in that position it usually makes you more attractive – yeah principle number two and this one is definitely one that I could have been better at right right and that is to initiate with clarity so what does that mean initiate with clarity what we mean by that is to be clear be clear with your intentions your feelings where you see each other going where you see yourself going in this relationship there’s nothing more frustrating than somebody leading you on making you believe that they’re into you only to find out weeks months later that they’re really not or they may ghost you that’s when you first heard that term you’re like what is that yeah but now I never it makes a lot of sense because I’ve had that happen to me many times before I met Sutton I was dating some girls and I don’t know what they’re doing God probably just intervened and say you’re supposed to be with Sutton yeah I felt like in the beginning of our relationship I was always questioning like our weak friends does he like me I just didn’t know I mean he would ask me to hang out but it was so rare like we really didn’t hang out very often or talk very often like we would hang out once a week and then we would talk never until I was asking until he was asking me to hang out and then later on he told me he’s like I didn’t want to spend all of our time texting and like we’d have anything to talk about when we would see each other but to me I took that I was like well maybe he’s on it interested in me because of the past I mean that’s what I’ve experienced it’s like if you’re interested you they can talk to each other yeah so being clear with each other is so huge and it goes on the other end of the spectrum you know if you’re not if you’re not interested in somebody let them know from the beginning you know you just tell them there’s a nice way to do it yeah there’s even a proverb that says an honest answer is a kiss on the lips clarity is kindness being clear with your intentions honest with each other that is the way to do it yeah and if a guy asked her on a date girls and you’re not interested in it don’t feel like you have to go you can just say like hey that’s really nice but I honestly just see you as a friend and you can even ask him his intentions if he’s asking you out you could ask him like are we hanging out as friends or are you wanting this to be more than that and and make him be clear – I hear it all the time like girls especially they don’t want to be mean to the guy or to hurt their feelings but there’s nothing worse than leading a guy on making them think that you’re interesting you’re really not and for guys it’s very important to be clear with the girl on what is this hanging out is probably not the best term do you want to hang out and I think that’s typically how guys usually ask girls out and it’s not really clear like no we being friends or is this a date so it’s important to be like would you like to go on a date or your like pick an event and say would you like to be my date to this event or something like that just make it really clear and our society nowadays has made it very hard for you guys to initiate with clarity I think because of the screens and the phones like people aren’t used to ask you a lot of person anymore principle number three is to date with autonomy and dating with autonomy basically means coming from a place of morality rather than being led by your desires yes which is a hard thing to do nowadays because I feel like now it’s pretty common for people to want to live together you want to have sexual each other because people are like oh I gotta test this out before I commit to marrying this person they want to import like these certain responsibilities that come with marriage like living together and having sex but they’re not wanting the commitment of marriage but it is the pressure of that commitment that propels you through the dating process because the goal if you’re at a point in your life where you want to get married is to kind of like get through that dating process you want to figure out is this a good fit for me or not and the way to do that is don’t be living together don’t be sleeping together because those are things meant for marriage and if you’re both giving each other that gift then what’s the point like what’s the excitement of getting married I just like it it just really along gates the process of you I mean if you’re wanting to get married it really it stretches it out better to marry than to burn with passion that’s in the body yeah see this a lot with girls basically being frustrated with the guy that like they wanting to move things along they want to get married to start a life together but the guys kind of just like hesitating because it’s like if you’re living together if you’re sleeping together you’re having sex together you’re doing everything that a marriage does but without the commitment of marriage what do you expect yeah you’re measuring your lives together to a certain extent and all that does is create confusion for both of you speaking of sex before marriage principle number four is to date with purity hmm that’s a big one I love that one the whole dating process is about evaluating the person that you’re with is this the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life and bringing it in sex that complicates things and it clouds your evaluating process because sex creates this bond between you two it’s like been a scientific study that when you’re when you have sex with someone oxytocin is released into your body which is a bonding chemical and your bonds of that person whether you like it or not the whole goal of the dating process is to figure out is this girl is this guy someone that I want to spend my entire life with that’s such a big decision the last thing you want is to be throwing in things that’s going to cloud that decision creating that sole tie bond that comes with that so hold that part back hold the sex back because that is the part of their relationship that you’re pretty much guaranteed is gonna work out I mean that’s gonna it’s gonna be okay it’s not you’ll figure it out it’s the other stuff that is the complicated part and so set that aside hold it back and evaluate your relationship without that being involved because it’s gonna cloud your judgment yeah believe me when you find someone that you’ve you just know that you guys are a great partner a great partner for life with I don’t think you’re gonna have too much trouble in that department in our culture today you hear so much of like oh well I have to know do we make good sexual partners which I just I just honestly believe that’s such a joke the reason you wouldn’t make good sexual partners is because you guys really don’t make good partners it’s not the sex that’s gonna determine whether you have a great relationship or not and God created sex and he created the Machine of the human body like he knows how we work best and he knows that sex is intended for marriage the first commandment was be fruitful and multiply so he’s on board he’s on board for you to have sex you just gotta get married first yeah the creator of sex he knows how we were designed don’t you want to do it how he designed because that that’s how it’s gonna be the best interestingly enough Psychology Today did an experiment where they found out that the severity of a breakup is not determined on how long you work with that person but the intensity of the experience that you have with that person which means that if you bonded sexually too quickly it’s a lot more hurtful to break up because it’s almost like withdrawing from a drug that’s how it feels like inside of you so obviously we know that all of you guys watching this are not virgins and we aren’t trying to shame you at all because the amazing thing about Jesus and His grace is that there is grace in that place and that you can always be forgiven and start over and start fresh so we’re not trying to shame you at all but start today don’t give it away you can always play later principle number five is to date graciously to be kind to one another to treat each other like they’re a daughter or a son of our king proverbs is says that a gracious woman attains honor and what is desirable in a man is his kindness and I can think back on people that I’ve met before like you know guys they may not be the best-looking the smartest or the funniest of the most athletic or whatever but if they’re kind girls are just like flocking to them principal number six is community so as you’re going through this dating process it can be dangerous yet tempting to isolate yourselves and try to figure out are you a good fit on your own but the smart thing to do is to get a group of believers around you whether it be your church or your friends whoever it is to help you evaluate this relationship and help you decide like are you guys a good fit from an outsider’s perspective because infatuation could blind you and you could not really be able to see whether or not you’re a good fit on your own proverbs 11 says where there is no guidance people will fall but in abundance of counselors there safety so lastly principle number seven is to date patiently there’s me Hart yeah that can be hard that there’s no need to just get so overcome with infatuation and being around the person every second of your life right after you meet them it’s like I wanted this to go go go it’s so wise to just be able to pray through your relationship as you’re dating somebody lean not on your own understanding but to trust God that he’s gonna direct you guys in the right path yeah I think the goal is to date as fast as you can but as slow as must mmm retweet because you know ultimately God cares about your story God wants to be involved in the details and we believe that if you follow these principles that if he has someone designed for you these will lead you to the right person in the right time and lastly I just wanted to say I felt like saying this to somebody maybe you need to hear it is to don’t compromise you know it’s so frustrating to me when I see someone who lives such a great Christian godly life only when they find someone that they become so obsessed with other Mirat morals and judgment kind of just goes down the drain so please do not compromise with your dating life if you see someone that you feel like the you can’t really find anything better and but they don’t really match up with where you want to go and your relationship with God it just walk away walk away because God has better for you and when you find that person it’s gonna be so worth it so worth it alright guys hope you enjoyed this video I hope it was helpful to you and that it will help lead you and guide you to the right person but in the meantime this is Nate and Sutton sowing seeds of truth love and inspiration one view at a time and that was how to date as a Christian