What does Christian Dating look like?

well if you got some sexual sin in your past single person dating maybe you’re a parent helping your kids walk with God in a world that is filled with a lot of temptation I’ve got a question today from a young woman who says thanks for the Bible teaching you’re welcome she hopes to visit the Trinity Church here in Scottsdale Arizona we’d love to see if you’re in town come say howdy on a Sunday and her question is this my question is how would you and grace that’s my wife counsel someone who has struggled with sexual impurity in the past and wants to date according to the Bible and connect with someone at the level of the soul what this Christian dating even looked like well for the first time in the nation’s history the majority of adults 18 and over are single the average man is waiting til he’s over 30 to marry the average woman is approaching 34 first marriage and that leaves those single years kind of from graduation of high school until wedding as a really complicated time that a lot of people do a lot of things for which they have a lot of regret I’m sorry that you have that but a couple things I would tell you grace and I love you we did some things wrong we’ve been open about that we met at 17 we did some things we shouldn’t have we stopped that we repented of that we met with our pastor we got self-control and then we got married and we’ve been happily faithfully married for 26 years so if that’s of any encouragement to you I hope that that’s what God has for your future what I say number one God forgives and you need to flush Jesus Christ died for all of your sins past present and future you’re not just forgiven you’re also clean in Christ and as a result you need to accept that you need to see yourself as God sees you forgiven made clean restored clean in the sight of Christ so again Jesus dies that your sin can be forgiven and you need to flush it you need to just get rid of it move on with a life that God has for you and you ask the question about dating and there is a difference between what I would call casual dating and intentional dating casual dating is how our culture practices dating and that is made multiple people at a time not just one person at a time you know have lots of relationships that have no real clear endgame or objective versus intentional dating your hope is to meet espouse them to get married casual dating can have lots of sexual sin intentional dating practices chastity before marriage and then fidelity in marriage and so there’s a big difference between what I would call casual dating and also what I would call intentional dating and the Christian wants to practice intentional dating I’m not baiting a whole bunch of people I’m getting to know one person if that doesn’t work I’ll pray about getting to know another person in that kind of more devoted relationship that’s emotional and spiritual long before it becomes marital and sexual and what I would say as well is as far as in that process getting to know someone in the context of relationship them getting to know you your friends your family so that others that love you have an optic into what is going on you getting to know them and their friends and family because you really get to know someone when you see their community and relationships I would say it says in Ephesians when you’re in a relationship there shouldn’t even be a hint of sexual immorality the Bible says among God’s people says this in the International Version there shouldn’t be a hint of sexual immorality so wherever the line is not only do you not want to cross the line you want to take a good step back you don’t want to be dancing on that line all the time because at some point you’re gonna lose your balance and fall over usually on Friday night after 10:00 p.m. and you’re gonna do some things with your hands that are going to bring some conviction to your heart you don’t want to do that don’t even have a hint of sexual immorality wherever that line is be careful not to dance on it in addition the Bible says to guard your heart it says this in Proverbs so guard your heart sometimes people they want to get married which is a great thing I love my wife with all my heart and at the same time though you got to guard your heart because you can give your heart away too quickly and then if someone doesn’t love you back or the relationship doesn’t move forward you get your heart back and it’s broken well God can heal and mend that heart if you don’t want to give your heart away too quickly you want to guard your heart that’s what you want to do which means be careful emotionally not being cold or isolated but being appropriate and letting things develop over time the Bible also says in the Song of Solomon one of the repeated refrains is do not arouse or awaken love and it’s time and so there’ll be a time when you really have an interest in someone and there’ll be a time when you get to know them and there’ll be a time when that becomes more exclusive there there’ll be a time when then that morphs into not just a friendship which is a great place to start but more of an exclusive intentional dating relationship well and then it might be time to decide is this moving toward engagement and is this moving toward marriage right and life together and so don’t arouse or awaken love until it’s time let everything work itself out in a season and don’t rush those seasons but be in God’s timing and here’s what I would tell you there’s two things on every major decision but especially relationships there’s God’s will and there’s God’s timing and so even if it’s God’s will for you to be with someone if you get ahead of God’s timing you’re gonna create a lot of problems because you’re not going to be walking in the steps that God has for you even if you’re going in the direction that God has for you and the the last thing I would say is that as you are getting to know someone always keep that relationship with the Lord is your first and primary relationship your relationship priorities are God and then one day your spouse and then your kids and others but that relationship with God is your first foremost and primary relationship so being in community and relationship with God’s people in the church reading the Bible praying worshiping God building that intimate warm loving healthy relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ is primary and any relationship that you have that can be intentional dating or even moving toward engagement or marriage the goal needs to be that it builds that relationship with Jesus that you should get closer to Jesus by virtue of that relationship if it gets to the point where that person or that relationship is taking the place of your relationship with the Lord Jesus you’ve got a crisis you’ve got a problem because ultimately then you’re going to harm your relationship with Jesus and harm your relationship with that person we do this when we’re pursuing someone we shouldn’t be pursuing when we’re prioritizing someone over that relationship with the Lord we start making compromises in our relationship with the Lord to accommodate our relationship with them I’m a dad I got five kids my oldest is 21 my youngest turns 13 actually today the day that I’m filming this we are sort of in the midst of helping our kids navigate all of that so I hope that’s helpful a little bit of that advice for me as as I hope that you receive it with that heart I’ll be praying we’ll be praying that your conscience is clean in Christ it should be that you would guard your heart that God would give you someone that loves the Lord and loves you and together you can have an awesome loving friendship called marriage and go on the great adventure that God has for you grace and I’ve been doing that for 26 years and it can be awesome that being said if you’ve got a question for me my name is Pastor Mark Driscoll just go to hallo at Mark Driscoll dot org shoot me your question and I’ll try and shoot for you an answer Thanks