How to Ruin a Relationship: 5 Christian Relationship Principles

in this video we’re gonna talk about five common ways that people ruin their relationships nobody gets into a relationship trying to mess it up if you got into a relationship it means you were hoping that it would work out sometimes it doesn’t work out just because it’s not meant to be the timing was off again it just wasn’t God’s plan for you sometimes however there’s practical things that someone does that genuinely causes a problem in the relationship and maybe even leads to a breakup so number one the first common way that people ruin a relationship is by wanting it to work too bad when you want it to work too bad and you’re putting too much pressure on this relationship you’re actually creating a self-defeating process and you’re more likely to cause harm rather than to help your relationship succeed humans in general when they feel forced to do something end up choosing the opposite of what they’re feeling forced to do so if someone you’re dating feels like you’re forcing them to like you and forcing them and they feel all this pressure that you’re putting on them because you want it to work so bad they’re gonna end up not liking you as much because you’re taking away their choice the second common way that people often ruin their relationship is by not talking about the problems that are occurring so if your boyfriend offends you and then you just don’t answer his calls for three days that’s a sure way to screw up a relationship or for example if you’re a guy and you know your girlfriend said something to you and you just really weren’t quite sure what she meant and then you’re distant the rest of the night because you don’t want to talk about it you think you’re you’re making it better by not bringing it up but in reality she knows you’re upset and she doesn’t know why and then she starts thinking you don’t like her and no one’s talking about the real problem which is that you felt like she said something that hurt your feelings but because you’re not talking about it there’s all this confusion and it just creates a bigger and bigger problem so if you refuse to actually address the problems that pop up in your relationship because they will they always do you’re gonna sabotage yourself in the process it says in Ephesians 4 verse 31 get rid of all bitterness you got to talk about it don’t let that root of bitterness grow inside of you the third common way that people often ruin a relationship is by talking about every single little problem that ever happens so just as point two was that if you never talk about a problem it’s going to ruin your relationship it’s just as dangerous to feel like you need to talk about everything at nauseam all the time like that’s going to where the other person out and you’re going to just overanalyze everything and create issues that really aren’t there if you’re always looking for problems you’re going to find problems it says in proverbs 19 verse 11 a person’s wisdom yields patience it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense when you get mature in your relationship skills and most importantly in your spiritual relationship with God you’ll learn the difference of when you really need to talk about something and you just can’t let it go versus letting it go on your own and just saying hey you know it’s to a man’s glory to overlook an offense it’s not a big deal I’m just gonna let that go the fourth common way that people often ruin their relationships is by interpreting everything the other person says in the worst way possible so when people say things to us a lot of times we interpret what they mean rather than just taking their words at face value and so very similar to the last part we are always looking for a problem if you’re just taking every statement the most negative way possible you’re gonna feel offended a lot of the times and the relationship isn’t going to work out well so as a rule of thumb you should just receive what that person says with the best intention possible you should just assume they mean it in the best way that it could possibly meant to be said until you realize that maybe there is an issue until you see some concrete evidence of some subtle problems in the tone of someone’s voice and you see some evidence for why that would be there you shouldn’t assume that a little you know inflection in someone’s voice is this huge deal you shouldn’t read into these things and assume everything is the worst way it possibly could be so for example if you ask your girlfriend out on a date and you say hey you know let’s go out to dinner and catch a movie what do you say and she says oh you know I would love to you know I’m really sorry but I’m just really tired I haven’t been getting enough sleep and I gotta wake up early tomorrow to go to work so I think I’m gonna sit this one out and just go to bed tonight you know need to talk for a minute more and you say okay well I’ll see you soon and okay click and no she thinks it’s no big deal if you hang up the phone and you think her saying that she doesn’t want to go out and she wants to get some sleep is her actually saying she doesn’t like you anymore and she’s moving on and there must be a problem and she just doesn’t want to talk about it well now you’re assuming the worst when she just said she’s tired and she needs some sleep rather than assuming there’s this huge problem it’s best just to assume she meant what she said when you assume the worst you’re gonna create problems that aren’t there so in that example we just talked about you call her back and you’re frustrated you say what’s wrong why are you mad at me why don’t you want to spend time with me then she’s gonna get defensive and you getting an argument and now you just created a problem that wasn’t even there until you interpreted her simple statement in a negative way so there wasn’t a problem until you assumed that there was a problem so really this comes down to not judging people’s motives you know in the Bible we’re supposed to look at people’s external actions and observe their lives but we’re not supposed to judge their internal motives because only God can do that accurately for example in Matthew 7 verses 1 through 2 Jesus says do not judge or you too will be judged for in the same way you judge others you will be judged and with the measure you use it will be measured to you and finally the fifth common way that people ruin their relationship is by smothering each other and letting the relationship completely take over their lives God has not designed us to just need one relationship in our lives communities are full of all different types of people of all different types of Ages and we’re meant to all interact with each other in a special way now obviously a husband and wife is a special relationship that’s unlike any other so when you’re dating it’s natural for you to prioritize this person as you’re moving towards marriage there’s nothing wrong with that but when you start isolating yourselves and smothering each other you’re going to become unhealthy and when you become unhealthy because you don’t have other good relationships that are meant for your health well then your relationship itself is actually going to become unhealthy relationships require two healthy people to make a healthy relationship when they’re there when your individual health is compromised because you’re over focusing on the relationship you actually end up ruining the relationship in the process because you’re not taking care of your health and the other parts of your life that you need to be healthy so if you stop going to church you stop going to small group you stop interacting with your pastor your Christian friends your parents other support system that you had in your like all of a sudden you’re gonna not have what God designed you to have and although you might be having a great relationship and spending all your time with this other person you as an individual are going to become unhealthy and then again since you’re unhealthy your relationship with this person is going to be unhealthy so sometimes the best thing you can do for a relationship is to make sure you’re being well balanced and having other parts of your life in check so that the relationship doesn’t become all-consuming and actually implode in the process if you haven’t subscribed to this channel don’t forget to do so we’re making videos just like this multiple times a week I talked a lot about Christian singleness relationships how to know your calling really any question that you want to ask I do my best to give you a biblical answer so if these are topics that are interesting to you again make sure you hit that subscribe button thanks so much for watching and God bless