Dating Advice for Christian Men | This is the NUMBER ONE need of a woman in a relationship!

[Music] hi I’m like Glen and I’m a senior pastor of Brentwood Baptist Church and I’m glad to welcome you to my youtube channel I love for you to hit subscribe and like that would kind of help us to know that we’re kind of talking about things that are important to you and of course that’s important to us one of the things that we asked a few weeks ago was to send me some questions that you would want us to respond to and you didn’t let us down we’ve got a bunch of them an interesting one was if you were dating now how would you do that well good gracious I was dating in the late 60s and early 70s so the world has changed a lot since then but as much as it’s changed I think a lot of it’s still the same I do I do think I would do some things differently for instance it wasn’t unusual for a guy to ask a girl out for the first date and go by her dorm room or house or apartment and pick her up and and and and take her out for the day dinner in the movie or whatever and bring her back that seems to still be the deal but it happens later I think you have to start it more slowly I think you have to be more intentional about it and I would do something like if you see someone that you think you would like to pursue a relationship with then I would ask him to lunch at a neutral space I would say hey I would be interested in getting to know you more I find you intriguing I find you very interesting do you do you have time for a conversation and let’s just see if there is an opportunity for a relationship I will let her drive her car I would drive my car and we would meet on the Saturday at a very nice middle-of-the-road restaurant with plenty of open parking so that she would not feel threatened in any way I think one of the things that has changed is that women are on a heightened alert now about guys and stalkers and and people who would do them harm now I know guys that’s not us I know that that’s not most of us I understand that but you have to understand that there are a couple of jerks on Twitter and a couple other social medias that make of the rest of us look really really bad and you have to understand that that’s just the way she’s thinking and if you try to charge that wall you’re going to get your head bashed in so how do we then lure her into the relationship and you do that by making her first feel safe the number one need of a woman in a relationship is security she has to feel safe and this is even when you get married just feel safe in the marriage so she’s physically safe she’s emotionally safe she’s mentally safe that if if you made with children that the children are safe and if she is afraid that she is not safe for her children is not safe or not safe then she literally shuts down she can’t get past anything until she’s sure everybody is safe so I think that would be a the number one thing I would look at what do we have to do to begin this relationship so you feel safe so you feel physically safe so you feel mentally and emotionally safe so you do not feel that I am a threat to you in any way so when we meet for dinner then you’re gonna act like a gentleman you’re gonna yeah pull the chair out for when she sits down you’re gonna let her order first yeah you’re gonna pay for the first lunch now I’m not saying that you always pay because as you go through the relationship you may decide hey we want to we want to go dutch or we want to go every other lunch or something like that that’s fine but the first time you pay you ask her about her tell me about you growing up and tell me about your family tell me about your job tell me about your dreams where did you go to school what are your hobbies those kind of things whatever question she asked you you ask honestly now guys you and I know that all of us have a tendency to lie just a little bit when we’re on that first day because we want to impress them and we want to say I I was the captain of the football team and I flew an f-16 okay here’s the deal there’s too much stuff out there that’s too easy for her to know the truth okay so if you were a c’ student tell her I was a c’ student okay what we have to do is increase trust and if you lie to her even a little bitty lie then it’s gonna decrease trust and you’re gonna be sunk so if she asks you about yourself what do you enjoy doing you’re gonna be exactly you’re gonna tell her exactly what the reality is you’re gonna tell her the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you’re gonna trust the truth to do what the truth does and that is to set people free okay if you lie to or even a little bit you’ll lose the relationship when you get to the end of the lunch then I’m gonna ask her what she wants next okay is it okay if we call her is it okay if we meet again mister it okay if we continue this conversation would it be okay to send her an email or text her what are the boundaries that she wants to you you to respect now if she lays out those boundaries go no I’d like to meet you for lunch again but I really don’t want you to text or anything right now okay then don’t respect those boundaries she always has to feel safe if she doesn’t then the whole thing gets shut down so you do it now you may get to a point where she shuts you down if she does thank you for the time thank you for what you’ve learned now listen the person you marry will have a little bit of what you like in this girl you will see something maybe sense of humor maybe it’s her Drive maybe it’s something about her that you will say you know I like that so you’re learning from everybody so you’re gonna thank her for the time thank her that she was able to teach you what you’ve learned and you’re gonna be kind and then you’re not gonna say a negative word about her okay if somebody says how the day go it went fine I love being with it are you gonna see her again I don’t think so I just don’t think we have enough in common to pursue the relationship or she’s already another relation but I’m not gonna say anything negative why because everybody’s got two best friends and what you say is gonna get back to her sooner or later and when it does then she’s gonna get angry and then she’s gonna be hurt let me tell you the other reason you look like a jerk he just looked like a jerk and nobody wants to date a jerk so you’re gonna always talk positively about her and you’re always going to be appreciative of the time that she gave her and you’re gonna understand who you are and what you’re about and where you’re going and know that you’re gonna have to have a particular person which particular gift set particular life experiences who’ll be able to join you on your journey that’s who you’re looking for and if it doesn’t work out on this lunch that’s fine there are other Saturday’s there are other Friday nights or other lunches and you’ll find them sooner or later so stick with it but take your time and go a lot slower and start at a neutral space I hope this helps I’m Mike Glen senior pastor Brentwood Baptist Church thanks for being with [Music]