Christian Dating Advice for Men

what’s up guys this is mark from apply God’s Word calm a place where we apply the Bible to real life try to love God love people and try to glorify Him and everything we do so if you enjoy this video and you enjoy the content that we’re talking about here definitely hit the subscribe button we’re brand new on YouTube so I’d love to keep in touch but today we’re talking directly to the guys and we’re talking about dating so we’re going to talk about six pointers for Christian guys who are in the dating scene so the first thing I would say is think about your future together and not just your fantasy I know guys and girls can both struggle in this area but I think it’s safe to say it’s easier for guys to be blinded by beauty more than it is for women we guys are very visually wired we think about things that I think women don’t often think about so quickly and we can really easily get so infatuated with the external beauty of a woman we can be blinded to her lack of internal beauty if you’re too focused on the exterior of a woman you’re gonna miss out on a lot of amazing opportunities in dating a lot of times attraction grows it’s not always a love at first sight instant wow factor it’s great if you have that but oftentimes you become more and more attracted to somebody the more you get to know them and the more you realize how much you have in common so hey I get it we you know we’re prone to like a certain type of girl the way she looks a brunette a blonde redhead whatever but you don’t want to be over emphasizing hair color when she has a total lack of character that’s not what you’re gonna care about down the line when you’re married the second thing I would say is kind of similar to the first you gotta stop looking at porn before you start pursuing a life partner I know a lot of guys think that marriage will kind of solve this issue a lot of good Christian guys are struggling in this area I know not everybody struggles with porn but so many people do silently who you would never guess are struggling with it it’s an easy thing to get trapping the shadows and not to tell anybody and we can think that well once I get married I’ll be able to have sex all the time with my wife and this porn issue will just go away that’s really false belief a lot of times and a sexual addiction will get worse in marriage because you’re going to be dealing with all kinds of those triggers that set you off in that area marriage can be stressful it can be hard it can have ups and downs it can require a lot of you there’s a lot of responsibility so those are can be triggers for the sexual addiction and you don’t know how to cope with a conflict in marriage you’re gonna run right to your computer to your smartphone and go back to what you’re used to doing so I would say if you want to have a healthy marriage you got to stop looking at porn before you start dating somebody and before you start pursuing a life partner if you want help in this area I have a ton of resources on my website and apply God’s Word calm I’ve got actually written a whole book on this called redeemed like David how to come overcome sexual temptation so I’ll leave some links in the description of this video if that’s something that would interest you the third thing I would say is focus on becoming the type of man she would want and dating I think it’s really easy for guys to just look out there and try to find the type of girl they would want but in the meantime they’re setting way too high of expectations and they’re looking for things in girls that they don’t actually require of themselves so again I know everybody every Christian struggles with double standards and judgement but as a guy I think I have a license to say this don’t get mad I think dudes do it more they hit we have double standards more than girls in general so I would say that whatever you require of a girl you should require of yourself if you’re looking for somebody who takes care of their body are you taking care of your body if you’re someone who is looking for a Christian girl who reads their Bible every day who craves who’s in the world who’s really strong Christian are those things that you’re doing on a daily basis whatever it is that you want in her she that type of girl who’s putting in that that type of effort into her with God and into herself is gonna want that in another guy so if you’re like looking at these girls who just seems so great they’re not going to look at you the same way if you’re not putting in that work for yourself as well the fourth thing I would say is don’t turn her purity into your sacred cow I have a lot of issues with the American church and their views on women’s purity I don’t have time to explain that in this video I have written about it on my website so again maybe I’ll leave a link in the description if you want to read more about that but in general I would say that a lot of Christian guys have idolized Christian girls purity and I think we do that because we’re looking for them to fill what we feel we’re lacking in ourselves we want them to be that perfect person because we don’t feel like that person perfect person we feel like if we could capture and win that girl who’s like this you know Idol girl that everybody wants we’re gonna feel like a stronger better man but what I would say is you don’t want to go to a girl to get your strength you ultimately want to go to a woman to offer your strength you need to go to her and and give her what Christ is giving you you want to lead her to the gospel you want to be an example for Christ in her life you don’t want to be needing all this stuff from her you want to be offering the fifth thing I would say is make sure your life trajectories are going in the same direction that you’re on the same path in life so in dating you could really like maybe check the big boxes she loves God you know you like the same Netflix shows you know there’s two biggest things do they love God and do they enjoy the same entertainment no but seriously you could check these big box we can have tons of fun and that’s great that’s awesome for dating but you have to look at where you both want in life let’s say she wants to be a lawyer she wants to live in the suburbs and send her kids to Christian school and you know be faithful Church attenders and all of that really chic serve God right where she’s out like that that’s nothing wrong with that life that’s a really you could serve God wherever you’re at so that’s great maybe you on the other hand have something a little bit Wilder in mind you want to be a missionary in the Amazon and reaching unreached people groups so she has this desire to live in the suburbs and be a Christian lawyer and you want to be a missionary in some crazy jungle those two life trajectories are so different it’s really not going to work so in marriage you definitely have to compromise you definitely have to you know give up some desire for the desires of your spouse of course that’s always going to be there but if you have to compromise so much and Bend so much and sacrifice so much it’s probably gonna cause a lot of conflict and bitterness and it’s really not gonna work so I would say in dating look for someone who’s headed in the same life trajectory as you the last thing I would say is look for a woman who respects you not a woman who’s idolizing you or worshipping you one way to figure out if she is idolizing you is if she goes on these giant emotional swings one minute you’re a god the next minute you’re a demon that usually means she has an unrealistic expectations of you and she’s you know seeing you as her God and that you know one way to identify idolatry is the big highs and the big lows when you go really high and she lifts you way up there the fall is always really dramatic so you don’t need a wife who’s worshiping you you need a wife who respects you because she’s gonna need to tell you hard things if she’s so tied to you being happy with her she’s not gonna be honest when she needs to be honest you’re gonna be living in your own world and the person who should be telling you the truth is it gonna be because she is too afraid that you’re gonna be mad at her because she’s worshipping you so you need a woman a strong woman who respects you she’s not trying to lead you around and treat you like a little boy but she also it has respect for herself and respects you and can say the hard things and do the hard things I’ll be required in marriage if she thinks you’re a god she’s gonna get really mad at you when she realizes you’re a human all right where those were just six quick tips to the Christian guys out there in the dating scene I’ll leave a link in the description of this video for a full article with a lot more verses and in-depth information on each of those points from my website on apply God’s Word calm so if you enjoyed this video definitely hit the subscribe button so we can keep in touch as always until next time god bless [Music]