Christian Dating ⎮Dating Non Believers, Modesty, Waiting For Marriage

well it doesn’t love you because of those things out he’s a Christian and you want to be with a man who values and really is willing to wait women have to trust God with waiting and men have to trust God with rejection dodged straight up the site you need to get out of my way because he needs to give his life to meet instead of you if somebody doesn’t understand the love of Christ they don’t understand love hello everyone welcome back to my channel if you haven’t been here before my name is cayenne and today is a very special video long-awaited the devil has tried to keep us down but we are back this is our third time trying to film this we are filming a video on Christian dating well just everything in that room and this time I have a man and a woman’s perspective so I’m excited I had you guys sending some questions on Instagram so we’re gonna dive in but first I’ll let them introduce themselves Lorene you want to start yeah so I was learning and I am currently working with a model to impact church I came out man following Christ okay my name is Ryan I’m 24 years old I have the opportunity to lead the young adult ministry and impact church and God’s been doing some really cool stuff with that and I’ve been walking with the Lord since October 2017 and still just trying to try to figure it out kind of so alright we’re gonna hop into some questions I think the first one just to get out of the way is someone asked what do we think about dating someone who is not Christian or non-believer so I think we might as well just start with that yeah it’s crazy so you know by the way that’s never a question at least for myself you know it says in the Bible don’t be any clean object if you’re fooling jesus and the other person is not like how can that be one thing so I wouldn’t even to think about it if you’re not dating that isn’t right not married to that person it’s not an option or that’s how that’s really differently agreed I think we’re in these situations where said we have a Christian woman or man for example and there’s somebody of the opposite sex that they’re attracted to who’s not a believer who Jesus isn’t Lord of their life the question I like to ask them is Jesus truly Lord of your life because if you truly claim that he is your Lord well then what do you see in this person that you’re so attracted to because if this person has no no sent of Jesus has no smell of Jesus like there there’s nothing there with him what are you so attracted to and I think the question could be maybe it could maybe say more about the person and then it does the other person you know it can say more about the person who claims that yeah I’m Christian and I want a Christian man however the minute a worldly man comes in front of your face or worldly woman in my perspective that’s what I’m really drawn to me versus somebody who’s really in love with Christ and I’m not as drawn today so that can say more about me than necessarily be the other person that’s good and to touch on that I will say there was one instance where I met yeah a worldly man a non-believer in a coffee shop and we got to talking and I just noticed that I didn’t talk about God I didn’t share about my faith I was almost just dammit around the subject and when he gave me compliments I didn’t give that glory to God for the way I was so that’s kind of like my two cents on that is that if you’re with a non-believer inevitably it will start dimming you’re like give us light and darkness and then the last thing I’ll say when it comes to this subject is if somebody doesn’t understand the love of Christ they don’t understand love I think when you have somebody who doesn’t understand the love of Christ exactly what Christ did for them and that love hasn’t gripped their heart well then they love people based off the way that they feel so when they feel like that their spouse is unattractive they’re gonna treat them as such when they feel like their spouse is getting on their nerves they’re gonna treat a message however somebody who’s gripped by the love of Christ and understands how their love they understand that Christ died for us while we were still sinners and so they understand that you know even though I might not feel attracted to my wife today I’m still gonna love her regardless even though I might feel like she’s getting on my nerves I’m still gonna love her regardless and so I think that’s the main problem that you can run into a marriage when it comes to okay for a guy for the men so in what ways do you pursue a woman do you truly pursue or do you just see where it goes I think the first way that I pursue a woman is through friendship I think as guys I mean women took especially as guys we come by me maybe time to jump straight to oh I want to date you I want to take you out without really having to put in the work of building up a genuine friendship and then the beautiful thing about creating a friendship first is one if that is your spouse to be your foundation is built on a friendship and not just on maybe romantic attractions which aren’t sturdy enough foundation and then I think beyond that you get a chance to really see how a person lives you get to see the fruit of somebody’s life because the reality is just because somebody is a Christian attractive that doesn’t mean that they’re fit to be your spouse and so a way that you can kind of discern like is this the woman or man that God has for me it’s through a friendship and you just getting a chance to hang around tomorrow than from a guy’s perspective like men and you you got to be willing to put yourself around or get in position like I’ve see somewhere you got to do them to be in that same spot you know what I mean like you got a you got to put in some work and I think God really honors that and I think definitely for the relationship moving forward that’s the best way about his friendship first and then you definitely got to be man enough to speak up and express your interest and attractive your your attraction today so yeah okay going off of that is it ever okay for a woman to pursue a man what do you want to go forward me out for sure I’m definitely not I think I just defeats the purpose of the woman was presented to the man mighty what’s present it to happen and so that means like Adam stop you know or once again the famous one Boaz and Ruth Boaz sorry so the man has to pursue the wife the girl or whatever it is just because also the man is the head of the house and so if the woman is the one pursuing the man is she’s the one initiating things and just the role there’s shifted and she’s taking on that man role that authoritative role unlike Noah I am you know going to pursue her if that makes any sense at all yeah and then from a guy’s perspective because I know a lot of women would be like well what if he’s nervous like is it okay for me they’re saying that I’m interested yeah totally that’s that’s a great question so we’re actually just talking about this so I heard it once said that women have to trust God with waiting and men have to trust God with rejection what that means is that what that means is that naturally women are born to protect what they have the Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing that means that women are meant to be found and now on the flip side men are supposed to trust God in rejection meaning men are meant to be the hunters if you will or be the ones pursuing a woman so anytime that that kind of natural order if you will is superseded by a woman being the hunter and the men being scared and that’s why he’s waiting I’m not saying 100% but that could be warning signs of insecurity on both of their parts so that could be insecure in a woman’s part by saying maybe she’s looking for this man to fill a void that only Jesus so she’s not willing to wait or she just isn’t content or trusting God in her singleness and then on the man side if you find a man who’s not man enough to pursue a woman that could be a sign of insecurity on his side and he’s not willing to take a risk for God and he’s not willing to have to endure rejection because of his own insecurity so yeah I’m not saying that’s a hundred percent of the case but those definitely should be warning some warning signs if you find a man who’s not man enough to pursue you first of all that shouldn’t be a man who you think is fit to lead your home second of all if you find a woman who’s just overly aggressive in her pursuit of you there could be some insecurity and some discontent inside okay so I had a woman message me the other day and her boyfriend doesn’t go to church but she really loves him and she feels like you know she wants to invite him to church and feels like so we all know that situation of the women sometimes want to be Savior so can we speak a little bit on that one so here’s the one thing like just because they go to church it doesn’t mean anything this is a like do you know if they’ve they are have substance or are they just relevant you know they you know shifting with time something to know that you actually have to like get to know this person and so just because they go to church I would say it’s it doesn’t like okay and then what what next like even have you gotten to know this person is he actually following Christ for himself I see becoming more like Christ every day or you see you know you know wishy-washy good times and so I would say definitely first off like she would check her heart for it’s like you know and then secondly not trying to be the same you know if that mine is gonna cheeky has to choose the fog lights frightens off you know and so if anything if God that may mean for that to be something that I believe they’ll find each other in Christ absolutely I think a major danger kind of what you hit on is let’s say you do get your best-case scenario and that woman does have this man start coming to church and start following Christ well a danger could be he’s only doing it because he thinks that’s what you want of him and that genuine love that he may claim with his lips like is not the truth you know what I mean his heart could still very well be from God so I definitely think another danger could be the woman who is in charge and who is a Christian she can maybe be acting very selfishly in the situation because she might very well know that the only way for him to have a genuine relationship with Christ is for us to break up but she doesn’t want to break up for her own sake of wanting to keep the relationship so I think above all else when you’re with somebody if you’re in a situation where they’re not a believer above our lives you should want them to have a relationship with Christ before they have a relationship with you and if in order to do that that’s a hundred percent of the time you breaking up with them so you can know for sure that you’re not doing this because of me you’re doing it because God has gripped you and then if that’s the case if it ends up happening and absolutely if God is willing you guys will get back together I’ll speak on that from personal experience in my last relationship it was the exact basically situation that Ryan said and he started going to church for me but in that I became his God and it was he was looking for all these validation within me instead of God and I could feel that in our relationship and in no way was he leading me in faith and therefore through prayer God straight up was like you need to get out of my way because he needs to give his life to me instead of you and so from there I broke things off and shortly after he got baptized and now not meant to end up together after that situation but I’m just happy that I got out of the way so God could do is work on them instead of in relying on me to fulfill any validation is seeking okay for men do you care about modesty how important swimsuits outfits and affection absolutely I care about modesty and so for a Christians man’s perspective at least for mine personally modesty is actually something that’s very sexy to me because what that symbolizes for me is a woman who’s very secure and who she is it symbolizes a woman who finds her identity only in the compliments and promise that she gives from Christ and not from another man so that just symbolizes a woman who don’t even need a man you know what I mean so that’s I personally really like modest dress obviously and I don’t know you dressing like a nun or nothing and you can still you can still have some swag but I just think it says it just says so much because like I said before he who finds a wife finds a good thing so women have to understand that they’re a good thing that good thing is meant to be protected and preserved only for their husband so I think modesty is is a wonderful thing to find in a woman and I think if you want to attract like a true Christian man I think you should definitely aim towards addressing the woman is an aversion past mistake so this was a pushin about blue men care about past mistakes I guess we can ask this woman as well as a believer that means when I receive Christ my past was over with I became a new creation in Christ and so if it’s the same for them then it shouldn’t matter a passionate mother because we’re not in you in Christ Jesus and so we’re walking that up then how I really hate nobody is good by God and so therefore we all stand in a plane what is a playing field yeah that’s good yeah absolutely not couldn’t agree more I think that’s another reason why it’s so important to date somebody who understands the love of Christ yeah because Christ doesn’t care about our past at all before he laid down his life for us so as a man I have no care whatsoever about the laughs of a woman because it doesn’t matter to me through me being in a covenant marriage with her and laying down my life for her that’s me saying I now view you as a spotless righteous bride the way Christ used me so yeah a woman who was maybe insecure about whether she has a kid and man as a Christian man gonna love me because I have a kid or is a Christian man gonna love me because I have this type of reputation well if he doesn’t love you because of those things I don’t know if he’s a Christian man because I don’t know if you’d understand how much Christ has loved him despite this mess so that’s good and speaking from personal experience I have a pass for sure and I think a big part of that if you’re asking that question I would ask yourself have I let go of my past or is it still defining me because if you’re worried about people accepting you for your past it’s probably because you haven’t accepted to pass yourself and you haven’t really truly believed that you have been forgiven so now I walk around knowing I am a pure just new creation from God and I think that question wouldn’t even cross my mind because I know any guy I’m going to marry will look at me through Jesus’s lens and perspective if you definitely never get and forgive absolutely that’s good it’s a great question as a lady how to deal with dating a guy that sees no problem with you guys having sex while you’re practicing celibacy so there’s no worth then what’s the point you’ve been doing that a chance at the minute day you are the prize as we’ve mentioned before and so you want to be with the men who value you and see their worth and really is willing to wait because that is something that should be shared between a man so if that’s not the case maybe girl you should not have to do with it or even give it a how do you generally generally tell if a guy is interested in you oh so how can a woman tell if a guy is interested in this yeah I think if a guy’s definitely just around you a lot like if you all if you look up and he’s just always around you that could be a sign that that he’s interested in you because like I said men are naturally hunters which means they like to go and chase and that type of chase is actually really like exhilarating for a man so if you know like he’s around you a lot that could be a sign that he’s attracted to you I think if he shows you especially true special attention I think that could be a sign that he’s attracted to you I think a lot and then I mean more than anything I would hope that the biggest sign that he’s attracted to you is that he speaks up and introduces himself and lets you know the way he feels about you yeah physical boundaries would you have with your boyfriend also traveling well while dating hotel room so kind of talking more on like boundaries yeah once again you won’t put yourself in tempting situation and so I’m definitely not sharing my boyfriend for sure not having like being in situation being putting ourselves in tempting situations and so I encourage group settings if anything I think it depends we have a situation here but you know if you guys are traveling and I don’t know how you guys are but definitely live in encourage just anything that might encourage attempting you know just temptation that says yeah for sure I think before you even get into boundaries you need to understand that the command is to flee from sexual immorality so if that doesn’t mean is how close can I get to a girl or too far is too far or how close can I get to the cookie jar until God isn’t pleased with me the command is to fleet and that could look a little bit different for everybody I mean if you asked the question for me personally my aim is to not have any kisses with my woman before I marry her my name is not to have any type of physical falling into into sin at all so I think when it comes to things kind of like she said being smart and turning like you know what we’re not gonna go over each other’s houses and we’re the only ones there and we’re not gonna lay in the same bed together even if we do claim we’re just like watching a movie or a TV show like we’re not gonna do those things and I think hanging out in a group setting is a great place for that but I also think communicating now on both sides is how usually and in making sure that just because somebody says ok I don’t want to do this before marriage ok why don’t you want to do that like do you understand like where this is coming from yeah this isn’t me just talking like like this is your body does not belong to me your body belongs to God so you are not my property you are not my jurisdiction you see hello ok so I just finished importing all that footage and editing the first part of this video I hope you guys enjoyed it so far but we actually filmed 40 minutes worth of footage so I decided to break this up into two parts I hope you enjoyed everything we talked about thus far let me know your thoughts also if there’s a specific question that you want us to dive in and make an entire video just on that subject I think that would be great Ryan and Lorraine just have amazing knowledge on this stuff and such great input a great godly input so there are so many things I’m just like we can talk about this for hours so I am going to give you guys a sneak peek of what’s in the next part so that’ll be coming probably next week but for now thank you so much for watching please give this video a thumbs up subscribe to my channel and apparently I think posts notifications I think that some that people do now so turn on post notifications so you know when I put a video live I love y’all so much and I hope you have a beautiful week your perspective on attraction attraction important how should women be preparing for marriage rush and men prepare for marriage okay let’s talk about the one how do you know he’s the one is there the one [Music] [Music] [Music]