6 Things Every Christian Girl Needs to Know Before Getting Married

[Music] hey it’s just kristin here at girl defined today and in this vlog i’m going to be personally sharing with you six things every christian girl needs to know before getting married so i’ve been married to my husband zach now for almost six years which is crazy like time has flown but now that i’ve been married for six years which still isn’t a super long time for some people i have learned so much since those early days of marriage and i can even remember back before i got married the hilarious thing is is that i thought i knew so much back then like i remember the wedding day approaching thinking like man this wife thing like i’ve got it down i’ve read all the books all the christian resources like i’m gonna nail it and then i got married and discovered that it was a lot harder to actually live out a lot of the things that i had been reading in real life and so in this vlog i just want to share with you now that i’m looking back on my marriage the past six years there are some things that i definitely wish that i had worked on more as a single girl before getting married that would have totally helped me in my marriage especially in that first year so in this vlog i want to share those six things with you so number one your husband or future husband isn’t the answer to your happiness now i know that may seem kind of basic but i remember back as a single girl i really actually bought into that idea that zach was going to be the one that would ultimately fulfill me and make me so happy even though as a christian i knew like okay god is the source of my satisfaction unknowingly i was placing a lot of my expectation and fulfillment on zack and so as a single girl right now thinking of marriage you may be thinking you know i’m single and if only i could get a boyfriend or get married one day get engaged then i would be finally happy that guy would be the answer to this hole in my heart and guess what i remember feeling that at times too but the truth is now that i’ve been married for the past six years husbands boyfriends they do not bring you that ultimate happiness that ultimate satisfaction that you long for so if you’re getting married thinking that your husband is going to be the source of your happiness then you’re buying into a lie that’s only going to lead you down a road of despair discouragement and unfulfilled longings because god is truly the only one that can fulfill us and bring us that inner joy that we desire and that takes us right into number two which is this god is truly your only source of lasting fulfillment now i had to learn this the hard way unfortunately so early in my first year of marriage like i said i was looking to zach to be my happiness maker to complete me you know whatever and so in those moments i would take my eyes off of god and instead place them on zach and that never led anywhere good it just led to discouragement and i felt more unfulfilled than before it’s in those moments when in my life and especially in the past six years of marriage that i’ve seen more clearly than ever that god is truly the only source of fulfillment for me the ultimate source of satisfaction getting married is wonderful and there’s so many joys and blessings in that but my husband cannot fulfill me the way that god can and so when i look to god and i work on a daily relationship with him through reading his word through prayer when i’m walking in a faithful relationship with god guess what i feel so fulfilled and so content more than ever before and god he’s our creator he’s designed to give us something that earthly husbands boyfriends they can’t give us god is the only one who can truly fulfill us so right now as a single girl i challenge you even before you’re married to start working on developing a strong deep constant consistent relationship with god that you can take in to your marriage because that is going to be the thing that ultimately brings you fulfillment and number three you won’t magically mature once you’re married so before i was married i kind of had this idea that like oh once you get married you suddenly become mature now you’re basically grown up and you’re a mrs and all of these things that i just thought somehow i was going to be like a different person after marriage and i imagined that person being really mature wise godly like all these things and then i got married and woke up the next day and guess what i was the exact same person i was the same girl who had all the same struggles the same impatient issues the same selfishness issues and i oh so the person i was before i got married like that’s the exact same person with all the same sin problems as after marriage so if you are buying into that same lie as me that oh one day when you get married then you’ll suddenly magically mature and become this godly woman it doesn’t happen so the things that you’re struggling with right now maybe in your family with your friends impatience and gratitude selfishness whatever it is those are the exact same things that you’re going to struggle with after marriage unless you work on developing those like godly character now unless you start working on those things now then you will take them into your marriage so i challenge you and encourage you to look at your life look at the areas of weakness maybe the way you interact with your siblings like is it godly is it patient is it loving like look at the way that you interact with friends are you self-focused are you others focused whatever it is look at your character look at your actions and analyze that and see where do i need to grow where do i need to become more godly because that the woman you are the woman that you are before you get married is the exact same woman that you’re gonna be after you get married and number four being totally independent doesn’t create marital unity so just like you i’m growing up in this culture where we’re being told as women that we need to be totally independent it’s our way or the highway we need to make a name for ourselves we don’t need anybody we can do it all on our own that’s really the mindset of our culture that we as women are encouraged to embrace but sadly when you get into marriage that kind of super extreme independent mindset doesn’t really work it doesn’t create marital unity instead you come into marriage and i did this you come into marriage with more of like a competition mindset like you start to view your husband when you disagree as almost a competitor and rather than working together as a team and striving for unity striving to be selfless and serve the other you instead demand your way and demanding you know demand your rights and so for me if i could just encourage you if there’s something i wish i had worked on more before marriage it would be to have cultivated more of a selfless others focused heart instead of such an independent self-focused mindset so i encourage you instead of embracing what the culture says a strong woman is instead embrace what god says a strong woman is which is a bold and courageous moment for his truth but also a woman who is selfless sacrificial and shows genuine christ-like love that will create so much more marital unity in your future marriage than embracing a self-focused independent mindset and number five domestic skills are extremely useful now i know some of you might be thinking like okay what in the world domestic skills like what does that even mean well back in my early years of marriage i had some domestic skills like i could do dishes and i could make a few meals but honestly like i didn’t have a ton of skills grocery planning like budgeting um how to like do clean and do things real efficiently how to manage and run an entire home scheduling like all of these things i was honestly not very good at because before i got married i kind of viewed those things as lesser than and so i didn’t put a lot of time and practice into developing a lot of domestic skills and honestly when you get married you are gonna realize like wow so much of your life is centered around where you live your home and in god’s word we actually see that god places a high value and importance on the home and specifically calls women to be good keepers of the home you see in titus 2 and god also commands hospitality all throughout the scripture and so if there’s one thing i could go back and work on it would honestly be so many of the essential domestic skills that you that will become so highly valuable if you develop them in your future marriage and number six selflessness is the key to a vibrant marriage so zach and i always joke because before we got married we would have considered ourselves to be pretty selfless and then after we got married it’s like we woke up and i don’t know what happened someone stole my brain because i suddenly became the most selfish selfish person on the planet and zach would say the same thing about himself and i think what happens is that you wake up and now you’re on this other side of marriage and you have this other person who’s actually a sinner and you’re a sinner and now there’s a conflict of interest you both see things differently you’re a man and a woman and so you approach so many things in life quite differently and you start to like want your way more than ever and now to give sacrificially to just you know say hey it’s okay we can do things your way that becomes really hard as you’re living day in day out with this same person and so i want to encourage you as a single girl to really start cultivating a heart of selflessness an others focused heart because that is truly the key to a vibrant marriage when you and your future husband are both seeking to serve one another and love one another sacrificially that is when marriage is just thriving when it’s vibrant for zach and me that has been so true in the past six years when we each have an others focused mindset our marriage is awesome but when we both give in to our selfishness and instead look at how we can get rather than give our marriage really suffers and we really struggle and so i want to encourage you right now as a single girl even if you think you’re not that selfish chances are you probably are right because we’re all pretty selfish so i encourage you right now to start looking for ways in how you are being selfish and then pray and ask god to help you instead have a selfless others focused heart and start cultivating that and working on that right now in your family and with your friend groups so there you have it six things that every christian girl needs to know before getting married if you desire to get married one day if you’re single and you have that desire and you pray that god would provide that in your future then i encourage you to work on these six things right now if i could go back in time as a single girl i would really invest so much more time on working on those six things that i just shared with you and so i encourage you now before you’re married to take the time and effort to put into cultivating those character qualities those skills those different things i just mentioned because those will be a huge blessing in your future marriage and lay a strong foundation thanks so much for watching this video if you liked it give us a thumbs up if you want to see more videos from me and bethany who’s normally on here you can subscribe to our channel below we post brand new videos every wednesday a little harder than it seems doing one by yourself my husband isn’t the answer from my happiness so redo about what i didn’t know ah i had i wasn’t able no lord willing this is so hard in two wow second time’s the charm and number five and number five and number five that’s a wrap