5 Signs You’re Married to a Christian narcissists

My previous video about Christian
narcissists has had a lot of use over the last two years as of today over 28,000
of the exact in the comments I noticed that people were confused by the word
Christian narcissist and a lot of comments said that that was an oxymoron
honestly I don’t disagree with them so today I’m going to explain a little more
and then share some signs that you might look for if you think you might be
married to a narcissus who calls themself a Christian but first
Hi, I’m Jen Grice author of the book ‘You Can Survive
Divorce’ I’m a divorce mentor and empowerment coach guiding women to
survive their divorce and become STRONGER after you can find out more
about my ministry my divorce coaching for women and my book at JenGrice.com
I’m not going to purposely repeat everything I said in that other video
you can check it out watch it for yourself about Christian narcissus but I
want to make something clear most times a narcissist doesn’t have a heart for
God they’re not looking to do what God would want them to do that’s because
they’re mostly living for themselves or admiration and “supply” as many people
call it they’re basically trying to look good in front of others instead of be a
good person as I stated in another video parents who raised narcissists do so
because they focus on their success, achievements and status of the child
missing the opportunity to develop the child’s character and personality and
for them to have a servant heart being kind to other people I also believe that
a narcissist will use the word Christian or call themselves that to hide in plain
sight in our churches in our community they pretend to be a Christian while
really being a narcissist in disguise if I didn’t explain that in that video
that’s what I really meant and I know people knew that at the time when I
record the video now I just go a little more in-depth explaining things for the
people who don’t know as well a lot of times women come to me and they don’t
even know that they’re being abused or they’re looking for the signs that they
may be married to a narcissist so today I’m going to share with you five signs
that you may be married to a narcissist who
is masquerading as a Christian #1 the narcissist who’s very
charismatic while lacking integrity pursues fornication and or pornography
pictures outside of marriage oftentimes he’s really coercive and manipulative
convincing his victims that God would approve and even applaud premarital sex
adultery or pornographic images they are not above misquoting or misrepresenting
scripture to get what they want #2 the narcissist selfish and
self-centered which is not christ-like at all
so all of their acts of service are self motivated meaning he’d get something out
of the deal when he serves others and he serves himself while looking like a
servant hearted person if you look at what he does for others trace it back to
what he’s getting out of it even if it’s just admiration and applause you’ll see
that he’s really doing everything for himself #3 also being selfish
and self-centered the narcissist is able to get you to turn your focus away from
God and on to them you end up worshiping your husband (or wife, you know I only
coach women) while your life’s focus is no longer doing God’s will but doing what
your husband wants needs and demands through manipulative tactics I could
really relate to the story that Lundy Bancroft shared in his book ‘Why Does He
Do That? In the Minds of Angry And Controlling Men’ (I’ll leave a link to
that book below) I just will never forget it because I’ve experienced it in my own
life so I know that it happens in the book Mr. Bancroft told the story of a
married couple who had a few children one day they were going to a family
birthday party and everyone was getting ready to go and not wanting to be late
but the husband was doing things and working on his car and then sat down to
read the newspaper when it was really time to go in response while lacking
boundaries the wife started to ask your husband to hurry up and get ready
(Sidenote: Boundaries with this type of person would have been “We’re leaving at
such-and-such a time and if you want to go be ready, if not
we’ll meet you there.” And then following through too but I’ve
totally handled things the wrong way myself I’m married so no shade here
she started pressuring him nagging him as men call it letting him know she was
getting upset that he wasn’t getting ready and she thought he was playing
around and that they needed to leave and that they were gonna be late if he
didn’t get going then his reaction to her request was to say something nasty
and abusive to her which of course hurt her feelings and in front of her
children as well she then walked away to a room crying once he was ready to go to
the party or maybe before that the husband told the kids that mom was
holding everyone up with her over emotional behavior and unnecessary cry
crying which in turn meant the kids were now mad at her I’m mostly paraphrasing
here so a few details may be off but you got the point he started this by
purposely taking his time and reading the paper knowing that it was time to
get ready to go to the party as a family his manipulation was the problem not her
reaction to it oftentimes a narcissist able to stay calm
while we are out of control and seemingly over emotional meaning we look crazy but
I’ll get more into that in another video he continued to abuse her at the party making
his wife look bad to other people a smear campaign being an inappropriate
all while getting all the attention on himself as the good guy she was the bad
guy that my friend is a narcissist getting a supply and he could do that at
church or church events and get the whole church involved in thinking that
there’s something wrong with you I’ve heard women say to me that the
narcissists got the whole church praying for her because he was thinking about
putting her into psychiatric treatment facility for her behavior when it came
down to his manipulation that was the problem #4 a narcissist is unable to take any sort of constructive criticism a
gentle hearted Christ follower is open minded and ready to receive instruction
or at least to hear wisdom like we read all throughout the book of Proverbs but
the narcissist is the guy who turns away from wisdom they can’t hear it or
receive it that’s because they already know it all they’re superior to their
wife or anyone else in the church and anyone else they see as lowly or not as
important as them you know they use people that are above them as a way to
climb up to that level themselves #5 narcissists are controlling even while
making their wife look controlling her act controlling in the process of raising
a family together that’s the manipulation I talked about earlier
narcissists create an environment that is unhealthy hostile and toxic that
toxicity often directs the home environment they react so you react the
children react it becomes normal around the house and how you all behave and the
only way to break that cycle is to get a divorce!
Ladies, I understand it doesn’t end after divorce and I’ve been doing this for
well over five years so I know but you can become more peaceful after divorcing
a narcissist (even one who calls himself a Christian) by realizing you can come
become emotionally healthy you can separate from the narcissist emotionally
physically and spiritually and all the drama that surrounds them and live a
peaceful life after erecting boundaries to protect that peace. I coach women
every week through this process so to wrap this up
is there a such thing as a Christian narcissist probably not a narcissist
more than likely doesn’t love Jesus and doesn’t have a heart to do good with
their time here on earth because he or she is focused on themselves and their
image you can’t have the image of Christ if your image is yourself if you need
help navigating this experience and becoming stronger you can purchase a
consult on my website at JenGrice.com/consult if you sign up for emails
I’ll even send you a coupon code to save a little money I hope I empowered you in
some way today be sure to subscribe and click that bell so you don’t miss the new
videos when they’re uploaded I hope to see in the next video,
be well and God bless!