somehow it’s come out that he’s addicted to pornography he is not free from this and should she stay in that relationship or maybe you’re the one struggling and you’re like should i stay in this relationship should i just take a pause and get out of this for a while what should i do what’s up sisterhood hey guys let’s do another i was gonna say car conversation we’re not in a car welcome to another week of conversation hanging out together i really want you to be a part of our patreon fam guys deals okay well can i just say so many have like so many of you have joined our family in the past week so many awesome our fam we are so excited so if you’re like what’s patreon i keep hearing about it well we want to give you something free for joining our patreon family which is basically a group of you who are saying we love what’s going on over at girl defined we want to see this keep going we want to be a part of this and you donate like a dollar two dollars three dollars per video and the link is below you can find all the info but it just has a small way of saying thank you we give our patrons exclusively free products that only they get and this month we’re giving you a christian girl’s guide to interacting with guys in a non-awkward way boom we need that so basically when you sign up if you sign up for our patreon fam this month at the beginning beginning of next month you’re going to get this as a free downloadable along with all of the other free products that we’ve offered over the past several months so it’s probably kind of like a win-win so click the link below and you can join us over there thanks guys all right we’re going to have a very down-to-earth no notes just casual conversation with you about this very important topic that a lot of you email us about that we have talked about before on our blog but this idea of should a christian girl continue to date a guy who is addicted to pornography who has somehow it’s come out that he’s addicted to pornography he is not free from this ongoing struggle and should she stay in that relationship what should that look like and we know some of you find yourself in that place or you know somebody who is or maybe you’re the one struggling and you’re like should i stay in this relationship should i just take a pause and get out of this for a while what should i do and this is a really relevant question but we just want to say from the front we are going to be specifically talking to christian girls here so that’s obviously who this channel is geared towards we’re going to be coming from a biblical perspective but this is really going to be so down to earth as if you were sitting with us in a coffee shop and just asked the question and we were having a casual conversation about it i mean i think that it’s important to have a foundation because if you go if you’re asking that question but you’re like i i don’t even understand like is this a problem or i don’t understand like even god’s design for sexuality like his sex like i’m just a little bit confused from the get-go you know you’re like that is a question but i kind of need some help just on a basic level that’s actually one of the reasons questions like that is the reason we wrote sex purity in the longings of a girl’s heart is to not only give like a biblical perspective of why just saying it straight up we believe the bible is not for viewing pornography and why it’s not a healthy biblical good you know russian sexual desire and just not not healthy for us in any way and so we dig into that specifically and especially if you’re a girl who’s struggling with that we help you and offer you steps to freedom but if you just want to gain a good foundation this would be a great place to even start so we’re not going to dig into all of like that nuance here yeah and we’re not going to lay that whole foundation because we just don’t have time but i just want you to know that we have this book for you if you need it yeah so to just to give lay a little bit of a foundation here in this video i think that sometimes in christian circles there’s like there’s this idea that sexual desire is bad right like any expression talking about sex like we don’t do that in church that’s not that’s a worldly thing not a christian thing but that’s the opposite of what god’s word teaches us we see in genesis from the beginning that he made us to be sexual beings within the very fabric of our design male and female sexual beings which leads to sexual desire and then fulfillment of that sexual desire but god just didn’t make a sexual beings and say end of story he created what are you laughing about because i was thinking like when you read the bible it’s like and adam knew his wife like well um what about that produced a child what does that mean you know you can figure out what he knew his wife and they had to say yes it’s like okay they might say it a little bit differently about it yes but clearly they were sexual beings and they yes they got made marriage in the beginning we see this and so i think it’s so important for us to remember that sex was god’s idea yeah sexual desires longings that was a part of god’s way that he created us and god also as we see throughout scripture created a wonderful way for us to express that sex isn’t just a random thing for us to view and do and partake as we and we didn’t invent it like all of a sudden right like 2020 like we thought of that yeah yeah it was god’s idea and it’s an awesome idea like we wrote a whole book on it because we want to help you understand his amazing plan for sexuality in a biblical way and it’s really for our good because he loves us he’s our creator so all that to say god made sex does sexual desire is good when it’s embraced rightly according to god’s word and he says the proper place to fully embrace your sexual desires longings is within marriage so husband and wife coming together engaging in that intimacy that cultivates that relationship deepens it it’s what makes them one i mean that is god’s good plan for marriage but the enemy from the beginning has been seeking to undercut undermine god’s plan and really distort it and offer us counterfeit versions of that beautiful intimacy that beautiful package that we see in marriage the enemy has been trying to undercut that and undercut that and pornography i believe is one of the most powerful weapons he’s using today to undercut and really devalue what god intended sex to be well and you know just from like a secular perspective too there are studies and you can research it on your own but there are so many studies that show that like like viewing pornography and being addicted to it is often like not healthy and doesn’t create a more thriving sexual relationship and for christian marriages just hearing from women who are on the other side that has not been a way to help their marriage thrive and to grow in that trust and that beauty and so it’s like i’ve even heard parents say like we want to set our kids up for one day having a beautiful sexual relationship within their marriage and the best thing we can do is to give them a biblical view of sex and help them avoid falling into those traps of being addicted to pornography but i do i don’t want you to leave and feel like okay so what was the answer what’s what do y’all have to say our perspective and what we believe we would say that we think you should pull the brakes put a pause on the relationship if one of you is addicted to pornography we think it’s a very serious thing and we think that it’s really hard to fully commit and be in a thriving dating engaged relationship if you are having this deep struggle this ongoing bondage to pornography so we would say put the brakes on really i think you need to find someone local who can walk alongside you in this if you are the one who is in the relationship with someone who’s struggling say you’re the girl and your boyfriend is struggling with it find a godly woman to help you walk through that process to give you advice to help you deal with that and then he you can’t be that person for him we think he needs to find a godly older man who can be the one that can help him to find freedom because it’s hard you know addictions are hard and they take time and focus and a lot of prayer and a lot of strength and a lot of time to be able to find freedom from that it’s not something that’s like okay i’ve got you know i’m changing today it’s a habit it’s ingrained the brain is you know addicted to this so we we really believe that you should just really push a big pause button on the relationship and trust god trust that one he can give the strength to find that freedom praise god for the gospel and for christ’s work on the cross where he broke the bondage of sin and we can find freedom as a result of that um and that you aren’t all that person has a strength that person has god and ultimately they need to go to god to find that strength you don’t have to feel guilty like well if i break up with them or if i put a pause on this they’re only going to go deeper into their struggle like you should not stay in a relationship if that’s your reasoning um those might feel like harsh truths but that is the advice we would give to our closest sisters our bestest of friends um ourselves ourselves and obviously if you’re married that’s a completely different story we are not advocating for you to push pause on your mouth stay married seek counsel together you know like get help stay you know work hard to yeah you know that oneness that intimacy and i just want to kind of end on what you’re saying like the reason it’s so damaging is because god designed a relationship that should lead to marriage right like if you’re dating you’re thinking okay are we gonna get married someday if it leads to marriage that marriage when you stand at the altar of your wedding you’re committing saying i am exclusively yours you are exclusively mine this is a marriage between the two of us yeah and pornography is just a digital version of a third party coming in and really being a part of the intimacy of your marriage which god never intended it to be he god uses a picture of marriage to reflect our picture with him like our relationship with him and it’s an exclusive relationship him loving us us loving him and he wants us to have pure hearts that are devoted to him not he talks about like don’t commit adultery in a spiritual sense of having all these other gods and idols in your heart he’s like be devoted to me and he says marriage is a picture of that so in a marriage you’re devoted exclusively to one another and pornography undercuts that that’s why it’s so important to take time to get help to seek counsel to rid the relationship of this extremely harmful and evil thing that is ultimately even if you get married like that’s going to cause problems in unity so yeah it’s so important to take it seriously what’s that book by heath lambert yes finally free yeah by heath lambert is a book that i’ve read i’ve gone through it with other girls i’ve read it too it’s really good it’s like seems like it’s kind of more written for guys but really it can be for guys or girls but it is a biblical plan for how to break free from the addiction of pornography it’s called finally free um heath lambert’s a biblical counselor it is so awesome and just offers so much wisdom and help to actually become finally free if you feel like i’m trapped someone i know was trapped check out the book we’ll link to it below on amazon but yeah it is an awesome reason and i love the word free finally yeah freedom is possible so don’t be hopeless don’t think that there’s no hope for you or for him god is so big and amazing and he can bring that freedom and we’re just so grateful for that um we’re going to link another resource we have a list of 150 questions to ask during a dating or engaged relationship and so if you’re like i don’t know how how to ask these things i don’t know how to bring this up there are questions in there that will guide you on how to word it how to bring it up because we know it can be a very sensitive topic i want to invite you over to our instagram page so go on over to at girl defined or if you’re there already way to go and um i want you to leave your questions if you have comments or you have additional questions and you’re like i need a little bit more specific help can you answer this question just leave a comment below and we’ll do our best to get back to you and hopefully guide you through that process um we know this has been and is a big topic though um so definitely reach out if you need additional help and grab a copy of sex purity and the longings of a girl harp to dig deeper alright thanks guys

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